In 2012, the world was going to end. Where was your dad? If he was out the back ripping up your begonias to construct an underground bunker, then this list is for you.
When the end of the world comes, your dad should be the best equipped ‘doomsday dad’ on the block. There’s only so much room in the fallout shelter, and with these gifts, you’ll definitely be on his list.
First off, you’ll have to prepare for a range of apocalypses and natural disasters when the world ends including — but not limited to — zombies. In the event that it is zombies, this book has your doomsday dad covered. He’ll need robust survival skills to survive in the zombie apocalypse, and the ability to disinfect and roast dead zombie flesh will also come in handy for when your rations run out.
While your dad waits until the end of days, the book will also keep him entertained with great recipes for tinned beans and roasted squirrel. Alternatively, if your dad is more of a nuclear-radiation-ending-the-world-enthusiast, you can’t go past Fallout: The Vault Dweller’s Official Cookbook.
Who said the end of the world had to be boring? The Samsung Galaxy Tab A is a rugged little machine, and not only will it keep you entertained in your downtime between killing zombies, it could also double as an alarm system and apocalypse journal for your dear old dad. With a metal frame and solid battery, it’ll keep him entertained in the lonely wilds — right up until the electricity shuts off and the world is plunged into darkness, that is.
Still, it’ll be fun while it lasts.
Editor’s Note: I would argue that my beautiful thicc Energizer Boy would be an even better option – but it’s probably never going to come out. Sad.
Drills, what are they good for? Absolutely murdering zombies. Now, I know I’m stuck on this zombie thing, but it’s a more than possible future, what with the recent uptick in parasitic, flesh-eating bacteria.
This isn’t just any drill either, it’s an impact drill — which I assume means it’ll cut through dead flesh easy.
This thing is a boon for your doomsday dad because not only is it forward thinking, it’s practical in the meantime! He can use it drilling his bunker on Monday, and then kill zombies with it on Tuesday.
This nifty WONDERBOOM speaker will come in handy when the apocalypse sirens sound over the radio and Kyle and Jackie O become the last remaining broadcasters left on the airwaves. It’s a nifty forest green, so it’ll blend in with the overgrown forest as nature comes back to reclaim the Earth, too.
Your doomsday dad can also use this handy portable speaker to scare rabid animals if they get too close, or to fend off bandits trying to steal his supplies. Or just to play some Beyoncé. Who knows? We’re not your dad’s dad.
When all of civilisation crumbles and the world is ashes, your doomsday dad will need somewhere to live, right? This Coleman tent gets rave reviews, and when you’re in a jam, that 60 second set-up is going to be extremely useful.
Zombies in the distance? Vampires? Nuclear cloud? Whip your tent out, prop it up and get in. What you can’t see can’t hurt you. It’s science.
In this tent, the world may end but doomsday dad will live on, the last bastion of hope for humanity.
Intex Explorer Kayak
You know what the zombies can’t do? Swim. The Intex Explorer K2 Kayak will only fit two people — so doomsday dad will have to pick and choose from your siblings. Luckily, the person who buys the kayak gets priority.
Abandon your siblings on the shore and kayak out to open waters — you’ll be home safe and free from the zombies in no time. And also stranded on a lake surrounded by zombie hoards and watching your family perish. But it’s still a pretty cool boat, hey.
Doomsday dad can sleep soundly at night with the Philips Hue light / motion sensor array. Not only will it bring a warm and inviting glow to your campsite in the dead of night, it’s sure to ward off the light-feared zombie (or vampire) hoards. It might attract mosquitoes, but would you rather be bitten by mosquitos or… dead?
Once the system is up and running, not only will it set a real funky mood, it’ll help your apocalypse allfather track any errant zombies roaming around his campsite and keep guard for any disturbances in the night.
Turns out it’s really good at spotting things like zombies. It might even catch a TV-headed man ringing in the post-apocalypse with vague technology-shaped threats.
In the future, I’m sure you’ll care less about privacy and more about saving your life, so a Ring device would absolutely come in handy for spotting any roaming threats in the wild and protecting your house and/or campsite from harm.
You never when the radiation cloud will strike. That’s why having a handheld geiger counter on your person at all times is going to be essential for your Fallout father. Unsafe radiation rising? Not in this house.
Importantly, this portable device has an automatic beeper that sounds when radiation levels exceed the recommended maximum, so your dad can traipse the non-irradiated Earth filled with the confidence of a thousand suns (and one handy geiger counter).
Bear Grylls once drank his own pee, so you know you can trust him with your life — and your doomsday dad should too. This handy grab bag should be kept by his bedside at all times. We all know the world will end, but the prevailing question is when. We don’t have a definitive answer, so this bag is the next best thing.
The Bear Grylls basic kit has everything you need in an end-of-the-world emergency, from your standard flip knife (for added coolness), a needle (possibly for poking in eyes), an emergency whistle and a pocket safety guide.
For the full experience, you might also need to invest in Bear Grylls’ How to Stay Alive: The Ultimate Survival Guide for Any Situation. Stick with Bear and you’ll be just fine.
This shovel looks pretty simple, right? Wrong. This isn’t just a shovel — it’s a knife / saw / ax / pick / shovel / survival tool / whistle / hammer / screwdriver. Is there anything this tool can’t do?
Whether it’s spiking vampire virus-infected neighbours or hunting down mothman, this tool has you covered and then some. Use it to poke a bear and then fold it to cook a sumptuous meal.
The best news is it’s cheap as chips, and $35 is a small price to pay for total protection come doomsday. This shovel is here for your dad, and it understands.
This Father’s Day, treat your doomsday dad with all the tools he needs to survive the last days of the Earth — he’s sure to leave room for you in the fallout shelter after these gifts.
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