Belinda Carlisle once said heaven is a place on Earth but I'm here to tell you hell is also here and it's found at Finland's Heavy Metal Knitting World Championship. The event, the first (and ideally, last) of its kind, was held in the small town of Joensuu in Finland this month and it's certainly unique.
Editor's Note: I am extremely here for heavy metal knitting and Sarah will be spoken to about this hot take :P - Tegan
The championship involved teams knitting, a generally cathartic experience, while playing the sensory-overload that is heavy metal and, according to footage captured by British news network ODN, the people really enjoyed it.
Hundreds of people watched on as the groups battled it out with needles and axes (both guitar and the viking kind) to be crowned the best Heavy Metal Knitting band in the world. The admittedly niche title was awarded to the Japanese five-piece, Giga Body Metal, who managed to woo crowds with their blend of sumo wrestling, interpretive knitting and head-banging music. Denmark's Crafts with Ellen and the US' 9 Inch Needles placed second and third respectively.
The primary purpose of speaking and writing is to sound as cool as possible at all times, and now a data scientist has given us the specific keywords we need to impress our peers, no matter where we are. In a post on Degenerate State, the scientist took the lyrics off DarkLyrics.com,"the largest metal lyrics archive on the web," from a database of 222,623 songs by 7,634 bands to analyse the most and least metal words. Comparing the DarkLyrics data with the Brown Corpus — a 1961 collection of English-language documents (no song lyrics) that is "the first of the modern, computer readable, general corpora" — the data scientist found the top 20 most and least metal words. Here's a sampling.
One spectator admitted while knitting was a "meditative experience", the ambitious crossover of heavy metal and knitting made it "energetic" and "heart-pumping."
Look, people seem to be really enjoying it so, while its not a pleasurable viewing or listening experience, we're all for it.
\m/ -_- \m/