Yesterday the hero that nobody asked for washed up on the shores of Manly.
This horrifying spectre of doom was Captain GetUp! – a ‘mock superhero’ that was conceived in the bowels of Advance Australia HQ to rip the shit out of left-wing lobby group GetUp!
According to The Australian he was unleashed upon the world to “tell the truth about GetUp’s agenda”. Apparently Advance Australia didn’t consider that erecting a giant mascot might actually seem like an endorsement.
Of course, the internet was quick to jump in to offer completely serious and academic discussions around the birth of Captain GetUp!
One could argue that the official Captain GetUp! account deserves its own place on this list for how god damn cheesy this whole thing is.
Fret not citizens of Australia, after 14 years of secret backroom deals I have finally been let out of GetUp HQ! I’m Captain GetUp & I’ll be travelling across the country over the next few weeks educating voters about all the clever tricks we use to influence an election #auspol pic.twitter.com/PpvuiS4EaI
— Captain GetUp! (@CaptGetUp) April 8, 2019
Hello again true believers! Just wanted to give all my fans a quick update about what I’ve been up to today! I’ve been in Manly campaigning for my good friend and fellow GetUp legend @zalisteggall!#CaptainGetUp #auspol #WarringahVotes
p.s. visit https://t.co/UdXV1JlyDM pic.twitter.com/7ydVo2BOMk
— Captain GetUp! (@CaptGetUp) April 9, 2019
He even claims to be the son of Bill Shorten because okay?
Yeeeeees! I’ll take all the friends i can get! Did you know @billshortenmp is my father? Hi dad, love you! https://t.co/2lfR8eRfUe https://t.co/5XQyyNYO7J
— Captain GetUp! (@CaptGetUp) April 9, 2019
The Captain GetFucked stunt has cost half a million dollars. Super stoked we’re in surplus, though.
Fret not citizens of Australia, after 14 years of secret backroom deals I have finally been let out of GetUp HQ! I’m Captain GetUp & I’ll be travelling across the country over the next few weeks educating voters about all the clever tricks we use to influence an election #auspol pic.twitter.com/PpvuiS4EaI
— Captain GetUp! (@CaptGetUp) April 8, 2019
Special thanks to one of my super fans for getting out on the campaign trail & backing our friends! #getup #CaptainGetUp #AUSPOLL2019 https://t.co/g0HpIdTT7k pic.twitter.com/ad2xAcSawD
— Captain GetUp! (@CaptGetUp) April 9, 2019
Thanks, I hate it.
Don’t ever speak to me
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) April 9, 2019
But now, onto the social sledging this garbage drive for votes in Tony’s electorate deserves.
– Has strict conservative parents
– Loves a statement cape
– ThiccCaptain Getup is a gay icon and we stan him pic.twitter.com/iY75JsMJxk
— Rob Stott (@Rob_Stott) April 9, 2019
have to say that captain getup being bill shorten’s son is a baffling addition to the canon
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) April 9, 2019
is it normal to feel horny for captain getup
— Aus Gov Just Googled (@GovGoogles) April 9, 2019
Those of you unnerved by Captain Getup must have forgotten Senhor Testiculo, the Brazilian anti-cancer mascot… pic.twitter.com/24wx4imM3E
— Richard Hughes (@Richard50877354) April 9, 2019
Coalition today wasted $600,000 (at least) on #CaptainGetUp ????????♂️
meanwhile
⚠️people still sleep on the streets
⚠️families live in poverty because the cost of living is too high
⚠️wages are in recession
⚠️public services have been cut#CallTheElection Scott Morrison!#AusPol
— Mark ✊???? ???? ⚪️ ???? (@WorldOfMarkyD) April 9, 2019
Unless #CaptainGetUp‘s sidekick is ‘General Election’, I’m not interested.#AusPol #AusVotes2019
— Oliver Pocock (@Aussie_Oliver) April 9, 2019
CAPTAIN GETUP: Now, are there any questions?
Keeping in mind that I already explained that I am not from GetUp. pic.twitter.com/LNNCC5czab
— Matt Burke (@matttburke) April 9, 2019
$50 to the first teen who eggs Captain GetUp
— ????????????Patrick Lenton???????????? (@PatrickLenton) April 9, 2019
captain getup
vs
sunrise cash cow
— dunking dad (@dunkingdad) April 9, 2019
“Another victory: #CaptainGetUp has just been booked for a kids party this Saturday morning at McDonald’s Engadine” #auspol
— Abbott Impersonator ???? (@ComedianJonas) April 9, 2019
I hope they continue on with this theme – we could get a whole Justice League of Advance Australia – Captain GetUp, Privatisation Man, Captain Franking Credits, Wonder Womb. It’s a rich vein
— Possum Comitatus (@Pollytics) April 9, 2019
Can’t wait to read the #CaptainGetUp / #EggBoy slashfic.
— Paul Kidd (@paulkidd) April 9, 2019
if the young liberals use captain getup costumes to have sex in does that make them furries or is it a different kink entirely
— Lindsay (@HyperGlavin) April 9, 2019
But wait – there’s more #CaptainGetUp pic.twitter.com/8RVRD43J1h
— Michael Koziol (@michaelkoziol) April 9, 2019
For the love that is good and wholesome in this world, call the damn election before more of these unholy creatures are spawned.