Monopoly is a terrible board game. Just... horrible. It brings in the money though, because Hasbro keeps pumping out all sorts of special editions and themed versions. But with the release of Monopoly For Millennials, I think we can all agree it's gone too far.
This article was originally published on November 9 at 15:30.
One could argue we reached peak Monopoly years ago. If Monopoly for Cat Lovers or Bass Fishing didn't herald the return of the dark lord, then the Blackberry Edition surely did. Yes, Blackberry as in the mobile gadget.
None of these, however, hold a candle to the fresh-printed stylings of Monopoly for Millennials.
This is not a joke.
Those hoping for some kind of tongue-in-cheek rendition of the classic board game will be disappointed. Rather than add painfully real rules — like splitting all the properties between players aged 55+ at the start of the game — it's a borderline patronising assessment of those born in the mid-90s and early 2000s.
Take this corker:
Money doesn't always buy a great time, but experiences, whether they're good — or weird — last forever. The Monopoly for Millennials game celebrates just that. Instead of collecting as much cash as possible, players are challenged to rack up the most Experiences to win.
It gets better:
And players don't pay rent — they visit one another, earning more Experience points. This board game is a great way to bring a fun and relaxed vibe to a party or casual get-together.
That's right. You no longer buy properties — arguably the core mechanic of Monopoly — you just blow all your money on "experiences" instead.
Perhaps my favourite part is this nugget in the product specs:
Age Range: 8 to 98 years
By some small mercy, the game isn't available in Australia. However, if you're desperate, you could always find a mate in the US to buy you a copy from Walmart for the princely sum of $US19.82 ($27.36).