When Real Turtles Sing The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme Song, God Cries

Video: Are you ready to go ninja, go ninja, go... throw your laptop into the sewer? Nickelodeon has a surprise 30 years in the making: A montage of actual turtles singing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song. If you thought it was going to be righteous reptiles jamming with Vanilla Ice, I have some bad news.

I prefer anthropomorphic turtles that sing in elevators and start rock bands. Image: Nickelodeon (YouTube)

OK, before the Turtle Owners Association of America (or whatever it's called) comes to accost me, tiny turtle-sized pitchforks in hand, let me remind you: Turtles may be cute, but they're also terrifying. They have weird giant sex organs, some of them have giant maws with rows of razor-sharp spine teeth, and their mating sounds were used to create Jurassic Park's raptor screams.

So yeah, having a giant chorus of them screech at me about how a rat taught them to be weapon-wielding ninjas... I'm sleeping with one eye open tonight.

I warn you: Once you hear this one-minute journey into the abyss, there's no going back.

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