For some reason, there seems to be a bit of confusion as to whether Thanos, the true star of Avengers: Infinity War, is hot or not. Let’s clear that up once and for all, shall we? He’s hot as shit.
Hear me out.
Thanos is not a good man. He’s not a sympathetic villain like Black Panther‘s Killmonger or an exquisite queer icon like Thor: Ragnarok‘s Hela – he’s a monstrous agent of chaos whose delusions of grandeur led to the murder of billions, if not more. In a cinematic universe in which virtually all of the leading men are various flavours of traditional Hollywood beefcake, like muscular, bearded Boy Scout or dense, well-meaning space cowboy, Thanos is a breath of fresh air.
Thanos, a Thicc∞ Dad™, is every bit as inhumanly muscular as the Hulk or Thor. But unlike them or any of the other Avengers, Thanos has shown himself to be a master strategist, playing the longest of long games in order to achieve his ultimate goal. Thanos isn’t a Tony Stark type who just rushes into things guns blazing — he takes his time and waits for the perfect moment to finally get down to business and get those magnificent hands of his dirty.
Thanos arriving on Gamora’s home planet, Zen-Whoberi, in his full armour.
If I’m being completely honest, though, Thanos’ hotness really boils down to his looks more than anything else. While Thanos isn’t necessarily what one might describe as a traditionally “handsome” person, there’s an undeniable ruggedness to his presence that, to some, is an aphrodisiac of the highest order. It’s written all over his face in every fine line and craggy crevice carved into his lightly stubbled face that, yes, does feature a chin that looks conspicuously similar to a certain part of the male anatomy.
When you’re looking at Thanos, what you’re really seeing is a hypermasculine fever dream of the male form superimposed upon Josh Brolin’s already rather dashing mug. Marvel invested a prodigious amount of time and money into making sure that the motion capture and visual effects teams were able to create a live-action Thanos that looked and felt as real onscreen as any of the actors portraying humans.
On the one hand, this makes for some truly impressive fights scenes, but the level of detail and attention that went into Thanos also has the added effect of giving him a much needed level of humanity that factors into his attractiveness. In those scenes where Thanos is looming large and gazing down at his latest conquest, you can see the constellation of emotions roiling inside him. He’s every bit homicidal maniac that Infinity War promised he would be, but it’s obvious that, at times, he’s conflicted about his actions and he isn’t a complete madman. We might not agree with what he’s trying to do, but you can’t deny that everything he does is, in fact, grounded in a kind of twisted logic and reasoning.
Thanos staring incredulously as some man in need of a shower dares to defy his will.Image: Marvel
Within days of Infinity War‘s release, steamy, Photoshopped pictures of Thanos in all of his buff, purple glory made their way onto the internet and began jockeying for prime real estate on Twitter and Tumblr. Fanfiction shipping the Mad Titan with various Avengers, members of the Black Order, and other Marvel characters is ludicrously easy to come by. The specific details of each story or risqué image may be different, but they’re all a testament to the same idea: Thanos may be a monster, but he’s a monster people like the idea of having sex with, even if said sex would be fatal.
Dread it, run from it, but the truth is undeniable: Thanos could get it and then some.