In the annals of technology, no two devices have dominated the human condition more completely than the thing you're reading this article on, and that other thing you could have read it on but just aren't right now.
I'm talking about phone and computer.
Given the importance of these contraptions in our lives, it's worth asking which is better. Ranking things is just what we do as people. It's probably why humanity has been at war with itself since the beginning of time, but it also adds order to our lives, which feels pretty great.
Let's start with phone.
For starters, phone is smaller. Just look at it. Put a book or something next to it for comparison. Now put the same book next to computer. Obviously smaller — right? I thought so. But is smaller better?
Yes, probably. Sometimes at least. (More on this later.)
The good thing about phone's smallness is that it is lighter and easier to hold in your hand than computer. It also fits in your pocket, which is nice, and you can throw it at people who are mean to you or are walking in front of you too slowly, which really comes in handy sometimes. Point for phone.
Smaller also means mobile - that is why they call a phone a "mobile" on TV shows where the people have a British accent. And because phone is mobile, I can connect to the internet while moving around using apps like Waze, which tells me where the cops are hiding when I'm driving at top speed to Steve's place. #Resistance.
Phone also has other apps, which is the same as software on computer but with a different name that doesn't sound quite so boring. Apps are good and bad, depending on which ones we're talking about here. I like Waze though, even if it is probably bad.
So that's pretty much it: Phone is mobile, which is a good thing. And it has useful software called apps. But what about computer?
As you likely already gathered from that book test, computer gives you a bigger screen. That's good for reading a lot of words or doing spreadsheets, which is only something you do when life really has you by the big ones. Large screens are good for playing video games, which are like apps but nobody calls them that because they are video games and that's something different for some reason. It's good to be specific when you're considering these things.
A laptop is a type of computer, and they're portable but not like phone. You have to put them in a sack or carry them around under your arm. Which is usually fine, but you can't take them into the bathroom like that without being banned from Starbucks.
Desktop is another type of computer. It is bigger, which is only better if it's also more powerful or you need to stand on top of it to get something high up.
One thing I forgot to mention is that phone is a phone. You can call people on it, and they can call you, which is great on birthdays and probably other times. The trick is, computer can also make calls if you really want it to.
So phone is computer. And computer is phone. Saying one is objectively better than the other is like saying a donkey is better than a larger donkey. Ultimately, the answer must come from your heart. So, which donkey do you prefer?