Let's Talk About The Weirdest (And Best) Scene In The Last Jedi

I want to talk about the weirdest scene in The Last Jedi. Because I also think it was also the best scene.

I say that knowing that The Last Jedi had many good scenes.

There was the blistering opening section. Which was good. There was Rey and Kylo Ren chatting over Forcebook Messenger like a pair of horny teenagers. Very good. There was the throne room sequence, vibrating with sexual tension. Also good.

And then there was the moment where Luke casually lobbed his old lightsaber over his head, which was good and probably the most blatant 'metaphor' for what Rian Johnson wanted to do with The Last Jedi: throw away legacy, to "let the past die, kill it if you have to".

Again very good. The Last Jedi, I believe, was an extremely good movie. You might even say it ruled.

But let's get real for a second and talk about the actual best scene in The Last Jedi.

Let's talk about the moment where Luke Skywalker walked purposefully towards a gigantic fish/elephant/cow looking alien, squeezed a half litre of green, full fat milk from its engorged teat and gulped that strange liquid down with the gusto of a man satisfying a well-earned thirst.

Let's talk about that. Because it was awesome.

In a sea of Star Wars takes, on that spectrum between "people who like The Last Jedi are stupid" all the way through to "people who hate The Last Jedi are screaming manbabies", here is the most definite Star Wars take: I was and always will be extremely down for Luke Skywalker squeezing green milk from an Alien titty and guzzling it down unpasteurised.

That was the moment when I leaned back in my chair, smiled to myself and thought, "ah yes, this is the Star Wars content I'm here for."

This is a joke, kinda. But I'm also dead serious.

Looking back, it's hard to begrudge The Force Awakens for the movie it became. After being beat into submission by prequels and "sand that gets everywhere it's course and irritating", Star Wars fans needed a movie like The Force Awakens. We needed familiarity and we got it. Anything less would have been a disaster commercially and almost certainly critically. The Force Awakens was the movie we demanded and deserved: a polished, well plotted Star Wars movie with a few calculated risks. A well-made homage. The perfect distillation of what Dan Golding called The Legacy Film.

But The Force Awakens, with its successes and failures, presented The Last Jedi with a new set of problems. The load bearing beam that is the original trilogy most likely couldn't sustain another 'homage'. The Last Jedi needed to be a response to those complaints. It had to be something 'new'.

It was a relief then that Rian Johnson did what needed to be done.

The Last Jedi was absolutely an opportunity to create something original. More specifically, The Last Jedi was an opportunity to make Star Wars weird as fuck again, and Johnson attacked that opportunity like a man possessed.

Rian Johnson allowed Luke Skywalker to drink green milk straight from the boob of an alien. He made it happen and it was glorious.

I think about what it must have been like to watch Star Wars/Episode IV/A New Hope/Whatever the fuck we're calling it these days. I think about how weird and dissociative it must have been. I think about Mos Eisley and the Cantina. I think about a giant bipedal dog called Chewbacca and hitting bulls-eyes on womp rats on my T-16 back home. I understand and empathise with Harrison Ford and Alec Guinness who must have read these words on paper and thought, "what in the living fuck have I signed myself up for".

They couldn't possibly have known that entire generations would be inspired by this weirdness, that this weirdness would become normalised and - ultimately - taken for granted and fetishised.

They also couldn't have known that a seismic shift that was about to occur - cinematic universes, the homogenisation of the movie experience.

Fandom.

The need to cater to that fandom, surprise them, piss them off, keep them happy. Crushing annual schedules and a need for all dots to be connected: who are Rey's parents, who is Snoke.

Who gives a fuck.

No, Star Wars needed to be weird again. It really needed that.

Image: Supplied

I've heard complaints about Star Wars - that it's tonally inconsistent, that it's funny at the wrong times and ham-fisted in others. I hear those criticisms, but find them easy to forgive in the face of how brave some of Rian Johnson's choices were. In a year where Twin Peaks: The Return was the most interesting thing on television, we probably should have a better understanding of how powerful it can be to create laughter where there should be gravitas, or be ham fisted where you'd normally expect restraint. We should understand that dissonance is its own tone and sometimes it's justified or even necessary.

I want those rules to be broken. I want to embrace that weirdness. If David Lynch can spend 95% of Twin Peaks defiantly and deliberately withholding its most beloved character to the chagrin of its fanbase, Rian Johnson should absolutely allow Luke Skywalker a warm glass of green alien milk straight from the source.

Chug it down Luke.

CHUG CHUG CHUG.

He should also be allowed Porgs. And a shirtless Kylo Ren with a comically oversized chest. And a cackling puppet Yoda setting Jedi relics on fire with a lightning bolt. He should be allowed all those things and more. Fuck it.

But most importantly, let Luke have his weird green alien milk. And let us all have a sip while he's at it.

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Comments

    Milk has always had a strong presence in Star Wars, Blue Milk in the originals, Krayt Milk in Legends, it seems only fitting with got a new type of milk prominently displayed.

    Mark also drunk it in such a way that I had strong early 90s solo man vibes (while the ads were terrible) it was a sign of just how bad ass Luke was going to be in his own special Luke Skywalker kind of way.

      "My aunt and uncle, double suns, and sippin' blue milk."
      - Bushes of Love

        “I pray that I don't find any more crispy bodies by the door.”

      I could be wrong, but I'ms pretty sure one of the Solo Man dudes was an extra in ANH or ESB but his scene got cut.

      Last edited 18/12/17 2:09 pm

    This is all fair, but I think this forgives a few things the movie did that range between "dumb" and "totally pointless", which in turn made the movie about 40 minutes too long. And space zombie Leia? Yikes.The movie was fine. I don't think it deserves fanboy praise, and I don't think it deserves any hate. It was just fine. A solid 6.5/10 movie with plenty of flaws, but plenty of memorable moments.

      The hate is more to do with disappointment.I think it's worse than Prequel level disappointment for fans because at least the prequels had a story and lots of cool Star Wars stuff we hadn't seen before.

      TFA was a remake but it was a good remake and a Star Wars film. Rogue One was a good addition and did the most world building out of the new films. It had issues but it was a one off. TLJ has made every issue with TFA worse because at least that film had promise of what would come.

      This film needed to expand the story, show us lots of new and cool Star Wars stuff. Instead it had little story. Destroyed all hope these new films would go into something big, awesome and new.

      Last edited 18/12/17 2:36 pm

        I agree, it is general disappointment more than hate (but you can only like or hate things these days).
        TFA was criticised for being a remake of ANH, so in response TLJ was also a remake but more cleverly disguised. There were no brave decisions here, expect space zombie Leia and casting Laura Dern. There was no plot, no story progression. Key themes, questions and characters from TFA were just discarded or abandoned.
        It is best summed up by this quote from Billy Madison, change the appropriate words and, well, you get my point:

        "Mr. Madison, what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

        Last edited 18/12/17 1:54 pm

          It is funny the talk about it being new and subverting expectations. Everything people point to is still a variation of what has come before.

          Luke not wanting to train, hiding in a remote place and fading away. Obi-Wan went into hiding after failing to help Anakin and him becoming Darth. Yoda then went and hid in a remote place. Yoda didn't want Anakin trained in Ep 1. Yoda didn't want to train Luke in Ep 5.

          The only new thing was the slow space chase which was really stupid and poorly done. The chase in Battlestar Galactica was 33 million times better. Casino plot was pointless. They just needed something for them to do, I'm sure the fact that little action unintentionally leading to most of the remaining rebels being killed will be ignored.

            A bit like how Superhero city demolition is mostly ignored.
            I disagree with the Canto Bight scene, we needed it to get Lando 2.0, a double-crossing rogue flying a ship that isn't really his, plus some quadrupedal pod racing and those adorable kids.
            Not to forget that BB-8 has skills even little Anakin couldn't have dreamt of.
            Those were crucial, I say crucial, elements to the story.

            The Casino Plot was anything but Pointless, it told us where the First Order had come from this time. The Empire we knew was from Palpatine and the creation and subsequent subversion of the Republics Army.

            The First Order as we saw them in these movies had seemingly sprung from no where, somehow Snoke had amassed a sizable force without the New Republic being alerted. The Casino Plot told us how it had happened, it made it evident that the rich and powerful arms merchants of the Galaxy, far far away had seen their wealth diminish under the New Republic and their lack of desire to create an army and had seen the First Order as their way to regain their Wealth and Power so they took it.

            It also showed us the way forward, similar to Star Wars Rebels, it shows us where the roots of the Resistance would grow from, how they would start to amass their forces again like they did before, that ultimately The First Order and others like them created their own enemies in places just like that. Just like the Jedi and the Sith, Balance would come about because of people like those Kids who were being trod on!

              I think you're just reading in and filling in blanks. The First Order was just formed out of The Empire's forces. The Casino planet made the point that there's just people who make money off the conflict and don't care what is going on. It's not a galatic struggle. It's an interesting idea but they did nothing but superficially introduce it. Arms dealers sell to both sides. Big whoopty do.
              With the roots of the resistance, the films silly because they establish this whole "spark" to reignite the rebellion. Yet only days ago TFO was blowing up planets. The rebels then defeated the super weapon and that did jack all. The idea luke fooling Kylo to let a dozen rebels escape a few days later reignites hope is stupid. The little boy if anything has hope because of Finn and Rose.

                The First Order was established by remnants of the Empires Forces, there weren't enough from my knowledge to be able to sweep through the way they did, not according to Canon as it once was anyway. I really feel that was the whole point of the Canto part was for us to realise who was truly driving it all, it also helped with Snokes death as he was simply the "Supreme Leader" but it's the people like that ones on Canto who are really behind it.

                The First Order blew up those planets but possibly didn't anticipate the loss of the Star Killer base, they felt it was indestructible or perhaps they really didn't care all that much, it had fulfilled its job, they couldn't just go on blowing up planets, any formed Resistance would realise that. Not to mention it would have relied on Kyber Crystals like the Death Star and after 2 Death Stars and the Star Killer Base I'd imagine their supply would be almost diminished now at least to the point where they would be unable to build another.

                The kids have hope because of all of them, the story they're telling of Luke is inspirational but just that, a Story and what they saw Finn and Rose doing was right infront of them, both played a part and will further play a part in their futures. It's how the Rebel Alliance started as well, a small group escaping from Coruscant, people like Yoda, Senator Organa etc... a handful who went out with a purpose.

                Maybe I am reading in and filling blanks, but there the blanks that have been given to me by the story and I feel are what it was trying to portray.

                  I've had people vehemently argue against ascertains it was really Rey and Rose that inspired the kids. Apparently they were reenacting Luke vs Kylo. I really don't remember.

                  I personally think Luke's spark to ignite hope was not that. For anyone that saw (only FO people) Kylo killed Luke. The opening crawl to TFA says;

                  "Luke Skywalker has vanished. In his absence, the sinister FIRST ORDER has risen from the ashes of the Empire and will not rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed."

                  So post Kylo joining the First Order they apparently came to prominence.Also desperate to kill Luke which essentially they did.

                  I've seen it twice now and the kids were definitely re-enacting Lukes stand, there are 2 large "Walker" like things and then "Luke" holding his Lightsaber infront of them, so definitely re-enacting that scene, which says to me that the scene in question at the end with the kids happens a bit after they escaped as it would take time for that story to spread to them of course, plus that makes more sense as it would likely be the story the Resistance would be spreading that his mastery of the force is what allowed him to survive the walker attack.

                  Finn and Rose definitely inspired the kids as well, after all, it's Roses ring with the Rebellion emblem that we see right at the end on the Broom Jedi Kid!

                  Also, I think Leia knew that Luke wasn't really there, his ability to appear looked good but she would have had to know when he kissed her, as evidenced by his lack of foot prints on Craits surface he didn't have a physical presence, I think she would be the one to tell that part of the story along with Rey as well who felt his passing. Also Leia left Hans dice there, I don't think she would have done that if she'd known they were real.

                  Well, they didn't Kill him, it was something that the Galaxy knew they wanted to do, that Skywalker, the last Jedi, was being hunted by all their forces and yet they couldn't defeat him. I feel like that would definitely be the narrative the Resistance would want to spread to bring people to their cause anyway.

      Most apt review yet. Nothing wrong just over bloated with little needless tidbits.

      But that final scene with the kids felt like a Disney ad on at the end to target the key demographic. The only thing missing was a plastic light saber and an crazy voice over saying "you can be a Jedi too". Made me feel dirty

      There was a dope battle at the start. They then spent the entire rest of the movie patronizingly telling us why we shouldn't have liked it

    The milk scene was also shot in such a C-grade way. It just looked low budget and crap, and again seemed to serve to just add to Luke being a weird odd old hermit.

      And he looked back at Rey with a shit eating grin with dripping milk in his beard like a little child being a mess on purpose to piss of their parents

    The bit that annoyed me the most was the lightspeed jump to destroy Snoke's ship. Yes, it was super cool. But, I hate plotlines that get resolved by simple solutions like this.

    Why couldn't they have just used the other two useless support ships to kamakaze earlier? In fact, there is actually no reason to build dreadnoughts or giant battleships anymore because any little ship with lightspeed jump capability can theoretically one shot you and you have no chance of evading it if you are a giant ship

      Maybe I misread that scene, but I thought it was the combination of the lightspeed jump and Kylo/Rey fighting over the lightsaber and the ensuing "explosion" tearing it apart. Or did I just get that entirely wrong?

      Whilst I agree with you in principle, I don't agree overall. I feel that "Hyperdrives" are very expensive pieces of hardware, not something you just cast away on suicide missions all the time, it sounds like a good plan but if you did that then the enemy would just build Gravity Well Tech into all their capital ships and make it null and void anyway, or they'd just utilise smaller vessels that were more nimble and couldn't be destroyed this way.

      And they wouldn't use 2 of their ships like this cause they only have 3 left!! Sure they could use one and it MIGHT work before it gets blown to pieces (Remember, they weren't very far away), the time it would take to swing around, make the calculations and jump would likely be enough to bring the main weapons into effective range and blow it to pieces.

      The only reason the tactic worked is because The First Order thought them turning and moving that way was a diversion and didn't think for a second that they'd try something like that, they got lucky that they were so full of themselves and couldn't imagine them not destroying the Resistance Fleet easily.

        The ship's they let drift into range of the weapons could have flown forward turned around and then jumped into the FO's ship. They were blown out of the sky anyway why not go down swinging? I thought that was an obvious screw up on behalf of the rebels.

          From what was shown in the movie I don't think they would have had time, they were barely outside effective range, turning around would have likely caused them to lose ground and put themselves into effective range. Plus they were already at their max speed, it wasn't so much that the Cruisers and the 2 Frigates were faster, Snokes ships were keeping up, it's that they were able to accelerate faster at the beginning due to their smaller mass.

          If I'm not mistaken our own knowledge of Physics shows up there is a max speed we could accelerate a ship to, seems like they were all able to get to that speed but it was the smaller massed ships that got there first and got them out of range but were unable to pull ahead further.

            They could have jumped forward. Not like they would have abandoned their pursuit of the main ship to chase the small ones, and if they did problem solved. Or she could have jumped sooner and saved some of the small ships.

              Yeah, I was a bit bugged about how long it apparently took for her to take action, I kinda feel like that scene was stretched but in reality wasn't actually that long? Only way it would make sense really.

              I was wondering why the Star Destroyers didn't jump forward and leave Snokes ship in pursuit to try and cut them off but maybe there is some limitation with Hyperspace as to the minimum distance? That would solve the problem of why very neatly. Also if they did jump they'd have to Jump either above or below the fleet so they didn't just jump through them and cause the same problem of destroying themselves and that may have put them in a bad tactical position?

              Or perhaps it's as simple as Hux feeling they had them and would catch them eventually and enjoyed the knowledge that they were fearing for their lives the entire time and as such didn't want to rush it?

    "How are they tracking us through light speed jumps?" she says, WHILE HOLDING A FRIGGIN TRANSMITTER RIGHT IN HER HAND.
    And, OMG, the resistance is doomed to death if they can't improve their military discipline..... oh wait, the survivors all fit in a YT1300 transporter now.

    There was the throne room sequence, vibrating with sexual tension

    It's fair to say that you have projected your own lust into that scene, as there was zero sexual tension.

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