This Is Melbourne

This Is Melbourne

If you were to explain the concept of “Melbourne” to an ancient alien civilisation visiting Earth, this is exactly where you would start.

This is the image.

Over the weekend, the Melbourne Demons played the St. Kilda Saints in a decisive Australian Rules Football match that potentially could make or break both teams aspirations for glory this year.

It was a BIG GAME.

A HUGE GAME! Oh boy, wowee, this was going to be MASSIVE.

In fact, it was one of the biggest in recent memory for both of these clubs. The Saints haven’t been in the finals since 2011 and Melbourne haven’t finished inside the top 8 since before the iPhone existed, in 2006. A win in this game would go a long way to securing a place in the finals so you’d think that the fans would be fixated on the game, or leaning over the barricade shouting obscenities.

At the very least, wouldn’t they be giving the umpire the finger like any die-hard?

Not at this game.

This bucket-hat-wearing Melbourne fan brought an entire cheese platter complete with avocado, salmon, cured meats – hell, I think I can see olives there too? – and of course, Fromager d’Affinois Bleu, a luscious brie-like cheese and the dairy product of choice for Melburnians, as far as I know.

You know what though, I kind of get it. As an Adelaide Crows fan, we’ve been taking chardonnay and apricot slices to the footy since 1991. Plus, the expensive bin scraps that get offered up as food at the footy aren’t the most appealing but hey! It’s an Australian tradition to smash a meat pie or some heavily-salted hot chips at every major break, not some meats off your charcuterie board! And how did he get a butter knife through security? Is this something that Melbourne security services let slide – you can bring a knife in as long as it’s for your plate of cured meat?

I can’t abide by this kind of nonsense.

I mean, avocado? Salmon?

This is Melbourne 101.

This is so prototypically Melbourne that I almost think it was set up.

Oh yeah, and while some fans were tucking into a salmon baguette, the Demons ended up notching a 24 point victory and getting one step closer to playing finals. But that doesn’t matter because this bloke has his own cheese platter at the footy.