Here Are The Messages NASA Should Not Beam Into Deep Space

NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraft is one of the universe's only unproblematic faves. For over 39 years, it's been cruising along in space, flying by Saturn and the Kuiper Belt, doing nothing but beaming back beautiful photos and scientific research. Now, the intrepid spacecraft -- skirting serenely in interstellar space -- is being bombarded with requests for nudes, the pee tape, and least predictably, questions about people's dads.

Image: NASA

For context: This September marks the big 4-0 for Voyager 1, which means it remembers the time before the internet, so it couldn't tweet lewd demands at the pope or look up Lemony Snicket's real identity. So as Voyager's anniversary approaches, NASA is celebrating by asking the public to share messages for the wholesome spacecraft, using the hashtag #MessageToVoyager. One lucky winner's message will be beamed to the space probe, which is nearly 21 billion km from Earth.

This, predictably, was a mistake.

"Join NASA in celebrating the Voyager mission's 40 years of exploring space. Inspired by the messages of goodwill carried on Voyager's Golden Record, you're invited to send via social media a short, uplifting #MessageToVoyager and all that lies beyond it," NASA wrote. "With input from the Voyager team and a public vote, one of these messages will be selected for NASA to beam into interstellar space on Sept. 5, 2017 -- the 40th anniversary of Voyager 1's launch." (Emphasis ours because, well, you'll see).

While some people tweeted pleasant platitudes at the innocent spacecraft, others were a bit more imaginative. Here are just some of the tweets that, for the sake of humanity, we hope NASA will not send into interstellar space:

And lastly:

We've said it before, but Voyager is probably better off without us.

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    We could beam out free Netflix for a few days and then lock it.
    If there is life out there they should come for the password.

    People on Twitter troll somebody, more news at 11.

    Seriously why bring attention to this kind of childish behaviour? Giving them a spot in an article just validated their shitty behaviour, same as promoting shitty “humorous” Ateam reviews.

      These are the articles people read these days. Clicks = $

    I recall an Asimove short story from the '60s where a bunch of aliens landed, probably in NY and asked "Where's Johnny Carson?"

    Pretty sure every sad sordid little detail is already close to a hundred light years out there by now. TV will be the end of us when ET see's some of the inane crap we've been broadcasting. A couple of episodes of pretty much any Soap Opera will bring them here to put a stop to it. God, I hope so, ET please come save us!

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