NASA’s Voyager 1 spacecraft is one of the universe’s only unproblematic faves. For over 39 years, it’s been cruising along in space, flying by Saturn and the Kuiper Belt, doing nothing but beaming back beautiful photos and scientific research. Now, the intrepid spacecraft — skirting serenely in interstellar space — is being bombarded with requests for nudes, the pee tape, and least predictably, questions about people’s dads.
For context: This September marks the big 4-0 for Voyager 1, which means it remembers the time before the internet, so it couldn’t tweet lewd demands at the pope or look up Lemony Snicket’s real identity. So as Voyager’s anniversary approaches, NASA is celebrating by asking the public to share messages for the wholesome spacecraft, using the hashtag #MessageToVoyager. One lucky winner’s message will be beamed to the space probe, which is nearly 21 billion km from Earth.
This, predictably, was a mistake.
fuck me daddy#MessageToVoyager
— wildkatz (@wildkatz12) August 10, 2017
“Join NASA in celebrating the Voyager mission’s 40 years of exploring space. Inspired by the messages of goodwill carried on Voyager’s Golden Record, you’re invited to send via social media a short, uplifting #MessageToVoyager and all that lies beyond it,” NASA wrote. “With input from the Voyager team and a public vote, one of these messages will be selected for NASA to beam into interstellar space on Sept. 5, 2017 — the 40th anniversary of Voyager 1’s launch.” (Emphasis ours because, well, you’ll see).
While some people tweeted pleasant platitudes at the innocent spacecraft, others were a bit more imaginative. Here are just some of the tweets that, for the sake of humanity, we hope NASA will not send into interstellar space:
#MessageToVoyager send me the pee tape for research
— matte (@ProdigalFailson) August 6, 2017
#MessageToVoyager send nudes
— Eli Winston [2birb] (@NoviceRobes) August 6, 2017
#MessageToVoyager where do I go to get weed
— David Shucosky (@ColHapablap) August 6, 2017
#MessageToVoyager I miss her beautiful feet
— Alec? (@taxisad) August 5, 2017
#MessageToVoyager You said that you would buy cigarettes but never come back
— Abimael (@abimaelcwb) August 4, 2017
— Gerradié buttié (@gerardbuttttler) August 3, 2017
You up? #MessageToVoyager
— Jason King (@jasonawesome) August 3, 2017
— Collin Schlein (@YoboiCollin) August 11, 2017
#MessageToVoyager Send nudes
— Jon (@PVTsaintJon) August 15, 2017
— Scott (@firescotch) August 15, 2017
We’ve said it before, but Voyager is probably better off without us.
The only winner tonight is the Voyager probe, which is speeding away from the Earth at 17 kilometers/second #debatenight
— Maddie Stone (@themadstone) September 27, 2016