Video: A new trailer for the fifth Transformers movie is here, and boy… are many, many things happening in it. I’d say it contains a 60/40 per cent ratio of explosions to outright gibberish, which indicates to me that it may be the wildest Transformers movie since Dark of the Moon. Judge for yourself.
So without doing one of our big breakdowns, let’s just break this down all simple-like. We have:
- Grimlock hanging around with Mark Wahlberg in a city dump
- Grimlock vomiting, continuing the franchise’s theme of Michael Bay’s love of robots having bodily fluids
- A bunch of weird robots that are 100 per cent not Transformers apparently determined to murder children
- Another robot which may be a Transformer but looks very humanoid and is freaking me out
- A robot endangering its passenger by forcibly ejecting her onto the pavement, instead of just letting her exit the door, purely to be a dick
- A Transformer probably hanging out with Merlin
- Movie Optimus Prime murdering a Transformer, as is his wont
- Bumblebee hilariously endangering his passenger, Mark Wahlberg, just to do something cool and violent
- Some kind of a giant beanbag cannon breaking through the ceiling of an abandoned apartment building to shoot the comic relief
- A bunch of generic evil military dudes — not to be confused with the generic good military dudes — murdering Bumblebee by shooting all his limbs off
- Bumblebee breaking the wafer-thin Transformers movie continuity by all his pieces magically reattaching so he can murder a bunch of generic evil military dudes
And remember, this still involves a bunch of Transformers hanging out in medieval England and fighting with King Arthur, which is something that somehow all of humanity and all of the Transformers seem to have forgotten.
I’d say this makes The Last Knight look like the new Michael Bay-iest thing I have ever seen, but let’s not pretend Bay isn’t going to be back for three more movies.