Today is Marzipan day. Did you know this? Were you aware of this? It’s also Kiss A Ginger day. And Pharmacist Day.
On Tuesday it was ‘Bittersweet Chocolate Day’. Yum. I think.
Tuesday was also – I shit you not - Houseplant Appreciation Day.
Wednesday was ‘Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends’ Day.
I wish I was making this up. I am not making this up.
Yesterday was hot as balls across the entire country, but I’m gonna ask you to use your imagination here…
Imagine it was raining. Imagine puddles were forming. Imagine walking to get lunch in the city when a complete stranger jumps in a fucking puddle right in front of you, drenching you in filthy rain water and you’re a little upset. You might even say, “what the fuck?”
“Hey chill out man… don’t you know it’s Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends day?”
Imagine that happening in real life. Imagine.
I blame social media.
I blame social media for most things, but I especially blame social media for this relentless, powerfully stupid onslaught of theme days, clearly designed to get some bullshit product 'trending' online.
Whipped Cream Day
Festival of Sleep Day
These days have all occurred over the last two weeks alone, that is a deadset fact. That is real. Each and every goddamn day belongs to some product or foodstuff and jesus wept the madness will never end.
I don't know why this bothers me. It shouldn't bother me.
But I have to be realistic here. I have to be honest.
It bothers me.
With the exception of days that raise awareness of real preventable issues, like World Immunisation Week, or RUOK day, why the hell do we need to have days for anything? Even Star Wars Day, now a thing because of a silly (admittedly decent) pun, is completely played out and needs to get in the bin.
Talk Like A Pirate Day. Has anyone actually physically talked like a pirate on Talk Like A Pirate Day?
"Yarrr, don't ye like fun ya land lubber? I'll make ye walk the plank?"
I don't hate fun (maybe just a little bit). I just hate decent ideas being exploited and co-opted by brands desperate for attention. Particularly when it deadens the impact of meaningful, important initiatives. Did you know that World Suicide Prevention Day takes place on the same day as fucking Swap Ideas Day.
Or World Blood Donor Day takes place as Bourbon Day?
Who pitches these things? Who approves them? How does this happen? No-one does this in real life. Who is following through with this shit? Why do they exist? These things, these ridiculous things, they live on the internet and they're just utterly, utterly benign and pointless.
Twitter was a mistake. An enormous, unrectifiable mistake.
Apparently January 29 is Curmudgeons Day.
Perfect. Just perfect. Not long to wait I guess.
(It's also Cornchip Day, Free Thinkers Day and Puzzle Day.)