God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves In The Old Testament

God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament

Before Jesus arrived and his divine father chilled out, the Old Testament God was, ironically, kind of a hellraiser. He was not a nice guy. He really liked killing people. And he may have actually been insane, if his willingness to randomly murder devout worshippers like Moses was any indication. Here are the 12 craziest, most awful things God did in the Old Testament, back before that wacked-out hippie Jesus softened him up.

It's World Religion Day today, so we thought we'd share one of our most popular religion posts. Enjoy! — Cam

1) Sending Bears to Murder Children

So a guy named Eliseus was travelling to Bethel when a bunch of kids popped up and made fun of him for being bald. That had to suck, and you can't blame Eliseus for being pissed and cursing them to God. But God had Eliseus' back, by which I mean he sent two bears to maul 42 of these kids to death. For making fun of a bald dude. I have to think Eliseus was looking for something along the lines of a spanking, or maybe the poetic justice of having the kids go bald, but nope, God went straight for the bear murder. But on the plus side, that pile of 40+ children's corpses never made fun of anybody again. (4 Kings 2:23-24)

2) Turning Lot's Wife to Salt

Most folks know about the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, two cities of sin God decided to kill everyone in instead of, you know, making them not full of sin. But this was a town that, when two angels were staying at Lot's place, gathered en masse and asked if they could rape them. I repeat: They wanted to rape angels. So they kind of had their destruction coming. Lot and his family were sent from the city before things went down, and Lot's wife looked back, and God turned her into a pillar of salt. It's generally understood that Lot's wife was looking back in a wistful kind of way at her angel-raping hometown, but the fact is there's nothing in the Bible to suggest this. Nor was Lot's family warned about looking back. Maybe Lot's wife wanted to see Sodom and Gomorrah get what was coming to it. Maybe she was thinking wistfully of the things she had to leave behind. Maybe she wondered if she left the oven on. We'll never know, because God turned her into seasoning for breaking a rule she didn't know existed. (Genesis 19:26)

3) Hating Ugly People

In what should be good news for intolerant religious conservatives, God really does hate people who are different from the norm. Of course, God isn't as worried about skin colour or sexual orientation as he is about whether you're ugly or not. Because if you're ugly, you can just go worship some other god, ok? (Even though God will punish you if you do and also they don't exist.) Here's the people God does not want coming into his churches: People with blemishes, blind people, the lame, those with flat noses, dwarves, people with scurvy, people with bad eyes, people with bad skin, and those that "hath their stones broken." Given that God is technically responsible for giving people all of these afflictions in the first place, this is an enormous dick move. (Leviticus 21:17-24)

God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament

4) Trying to Kill Moses

In terms of people who God likes, you'd think Moses would be pretty high up on the list, right? I mean, God appointed him to lead the Jews out of Egypt, parted the Red Sea for him, and even picked him to receive the 10 Commandments, right? Yet this didn't stop God from trying to kill Moses when he ran into him at "a lodging place." There is literally no explanation given in the Bible for God's decision to murder one of his chief supporters. The line is "At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him." The only sensible explanation for this is that God was drunk out of his mind and looking for a bar fight, and you better hope that's correct because the alternative is that God's a psychopath. How was God stopped from murdering his #1 fan? "But [Moses' wife] Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son's foreskin and touched Moses' feet with it ... So the Lord let him alone." Either the sight of a very unexpected circumcision sobered God up quickly, or he didn't want to touch a dude who just touched a severed foreskin. Still, it's Moses' son who's the real victim here. (Exodus 4:24-26)

5) Committing So Much Genocide

God has killed so many people, you guys. OK, I mean technically, God has killed everyone if you subscribe to Judeo-Christian thought, but I'm not talking about indirect methods, I'm talking about God murdering countless people in horrible ways simply because he's pissed off. God drowning every single person on the planet besides Noah and his family is pretty well known, but he also helped the Israelites murder everyone in Jericho, Heshbon, Bashan and many more, usually killing women, children and animals at the same time. Hell, God once helped some Israelites kill 500,000 other Israelites. God's crazy.

God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament

6) Ordering His Underlings to Kill Their Own Children

God is obviously good at big picture dickishness, but he also took the time to be a dick on a more personal level. Abraham was another devout man who God decided to fuck with, apparently because he knew he could. God ordered him to sacrifice his son to God (God was a fan of human sacrifice at the time). We know Abraham loved his son, so he was probably kind of upset with this, but hey, God's God, right? So Abraham tricked his unsuspecting son up a mountain onto a sacrificial altar and prepared to murder him. This story actually has a happy ending, in that right before Abraham drove a knife into his son's throat, God yelled "Psyche!" and told him it was only a test. And then Abraham received some blessings after that for being willing to kill his own child at God's whim. And all it took was the dread of being forced to kill his own child on behalf of his angry deity and, presumably, a shit-ton of awkward family dinners for the rest of his life. Abraham got off better than Jephthah, who had to follow through with murdering his daughter (burning her alive, specifically) in order to get on God's good side before battling the Ammonites. (Genesis 22:1-12)

7) Killing Egyptian Babies

Let's be completely up front: The Egyptians and the Jews did not get along. According to the Bible, the Egyptians enslaved the Jews, but the Jews had God on their side, if you kind of ignore God letting his people be enslaved in the first place. Rather getting his worshippers the hell out of there, God wanted to show those damned Egyptians what for, releasing 10 plagues that began with turning the river Nile into pure blood, and ending with the slaughter of the first-born of every single Egyptian man and animal. Now, I suppose it's possible that some, or even most of these first-born were adults who were shitty to the Israelites. But some of them had to be babies who didn't even have the time to persecute the Jews yet. And what the hell did the animals do to the Jews to get caught up in this nightmare? Were there proto-Nazi cows running around who needed to be punished for their transgressions against the chosen people? And you realise there were cats in Egypt, right? Cats who had first-born? God killed kittens. (Numbers 16:41-49)

8) Killing a Dude for Not Making More Babies

So you're a dude named Onan and you have a brother named Er. God does not care for Er, and kills him. Standard God operating procedure. Then things gets weird. Onan's dad orders Onan to have sex with Er's wife — not marry, by the way, just have sex with. This is actually pretty awkward for Onan, sleeping with his sister-in-law, and rather than give her any more kids (she had two with Er already) he pulls out. God is so infuriated that Onan did not fuck his sister-in-law to completion that he kills him, too. Now, you could argue that God demands that intercourse be used specifically for procreation, but given how much God loves killing babies and children, I don't think his motives here are exceptionally pure. (Genesis 38:1-10)

9) Helping Samson Murder People to Pay Off a Bet

More evidence that God is possibly a low-level mobster: When his pal Samson got married, he was given 30 friends, and he posed them (a completely insane) riddle. Then he made a bet that if they could solve it in a week, Samson would give them all new clothes, but if they couldn't they would give Samson 30 pairs of new clothes. Well, Samson's wife wheedled the answer out of him and then told these dudes, at which point an angry Samson had to pay up. And here's where God comes in — literally, into Samson, giving him the power to murder 30 random people for their clothes. Only a true friend would help you commit mass murder to settle a completely stupid bet. (Judges 14:1-19)

God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament

10) Trying to Wrestle a Guy, Cheating, and Still Losing

And here's more evidence that God is a drunk maniac: Jacob was travelling with his two wives, his 11 kids, and all his earthly possessions and had sent them across a river. At that moment, a guy essentially leapt out of the bushes and started wrestling. It's God! They wrestle all night, and God cannot beat Jacob, so he uses his magic God powers to wrench Jacob's hip out of its socket. But Jacob still won't let him out of a headlock until God blesses him, because Jacob has figured out who this bizarre man is. God blesses him and wanders off, presumably to go get in a bar fight somewhere. (Genesis 32: 22-31)

11) Killing People for Complaining About God Killing Them

To be fair, after God freed the Israelites from Egyptian slavery, they were extraordinarily bitchy about not instantly being in a land of milk and honey. It got so bad that God was ready to kill all of them and let Moses start the Jews over, although Moses managed to talk him out of it. But one of their more sensible complaints was that Moses was lording himself over the rest of them, which was probably true, seeing as God had given him the 10 Commandments and all that. So Moses summoned the three tribal elders who had made the complaint to a Monday morning staff meeting, but two of them didn't come. Neither Moses nor God cared for that, and God opened up the grounds beneath their people's tents, killing both tribes (God also set fire to 250 Israelite princes who'd made the same complaint). Having been well admonished that Moses was putting himself above the rest of the people with God's permission, a number of surviving Israelites were kind of pissed that Moses and God had killed so many of their fellow people to prove a point. God responded by killing another 14,700 of them with a plague. The complaints stopped. (Numbers 16:1-49)

12) Everything He Did to Job

Oh, Job. Other than a shit-ton of babies, no one had it worse in the Bible than Job, who was a righteous, good-hearted man who believed in God with every fibre in his being — which is when God decides to see how miserable he can make this dude before he gets upset. Note: This is a result of a bet between God and Satan. Also note: The bet is God's idea. He's literally just hanging out with Satan — which is kinda weird when you think about it — when he starting bragging about how awesome Job is. Satan points out that Job's pretty blessed — he's rich, he's got a lot of kids, etc., and he probably wouldn't be quite so thrilled with God if he didn't have that stuff. God downs his bourbon, presumably, and tells Satan he can fuck with Job all he wants. Satan does. He kills all of Job's children and animals, burns down his house, destroys his wealth, and then covers him in boils. Job doesn't not curse God, but he does wish he'd never been born (literally) and begs God to kill him, but no dice. This lasts a long time until finally Job wonders why a just God would be so shitty. This is when God pops up and basically tells him."Shut up, I don't have to explain anything to you." Job, having finally done something wrong, pleads for mercy, and God eventually gives him back animals and children — new ones, because the old ones are still dead. Because of a bet. That God made with Satan. For kicks. (Job 1)

WATCH MORE: Tech News


Comments

    Gizmodo loves technology + entertainment.
    We’re obsessed with the gadgets, car tech, science and geek culture that change the way we live, work, love and play.
    Gizmodo covers Australian & NZ technology news with a team of award-winning local journalists — and localises the best posts from the US and the UK editions.

    So where does this article fit into any of that? What's with the editorialised Christianity-bashing?

    Last edited 29/07/16 12:21 pm

      Entertainment and geek culture? I'd say a humorous breakdown of some historically silly stories is fair play.

      Christianity-bashing
      To be accurate, the new testament is the "Christian" section.
      As far as I can tell, (opinion) all of these are lifted from the "Old" testament.
      You see, after the old testament, God finally got laid and he chilled out and let Jebus do all the talking.

        Jebus Crost?

        Yes, all the examples are from the Old Testament. The number of dick moves by God in the new testament is much lower (but not actually zero.)

        Problem is that many Christians believe in the literal truth of the entire Bible, and therefore believe that (1) these things really did happen, and (2) following a God who would do these things is perfectly rational.

        Such people are usually very picky about exactly which bits of the Old Testament are OK to follow. Somehow most of the actual commandments get given a miss. (And there are many, many more than ten commandments. Even the traditional ten can wind up with a larger count if the verses are broken down differently.)

        Personally I agree that this is sort of off-topic for Gizmodo, although I disagree that it comprises Christian-bashing.

      technically it's not christian bashing, it's jew bashing since that's where the stories came from - if you want t consider it christian bashing then you have to add Mandians, Gnostics*, Mahommadans, Jews, Zionists, and all the other religions and cults that have these stories in their religious texts

      But as an aside In what should be good news for intolerant religious conservatives, God really does hate people who are different from the norm - kinda showing the old prejudices there Mr Gizmodo.. and selectively forgetting the few voices that stood against the authoritarian left wing eugenics movement were libertarian conservatives.. Sure I'll give you intolerant bit, but deaf, blind, ugly, big nosed, dark skinned and wild haired folk were all regularly sterilized to eliminate their offensiveness from polluting our sparkling gene pool with much cheering and support from the progressive left. Heck, the Eugenics Board of North Carolina was only sut down after the kind and loyal democrats finally lost power in 1977..

      *the Gnostic texts (pre-Christian edits) also include a few other nasties that Joshua's dad heaped on the earth.. Long before Adam's wives Eve and her precursor, Lilith came onto the world we have the other time where he wiped the world clean and started again. So add that extinction to the list. Creates the world, doesn't like it, wiped the slate and starts again.. does it again with the whole flood deal - then there's that other time he wanted to do it but the pesky angel who he charged to look after this planet refused to cooperate and defied The Great Gawd and thusly so it came that the lordeth did hurl him into the pits of hell for his defiance - poor sod. That's why the Mandians have a kill on sight order against them in the middle east, for daring to worship the angel who did the right thing by man and tries to protect us when Gawd was having a hissy.. No wonder so many proto-Christian religions view Gawd as a psychotic, malevolent entity. Back then your choice was to fear and worship the madman or he's gonna come kill you.

      Nice god.. (don't make eye contact, just back away sloooolwy)

      You do realise this is the old testament, so it's not really Christian bashing. Just telling the world how batshit crazy the god of the Old Testament is vs the god of the New Testament.

        Pretty sure the New one is just as silly as the old.

      Where's the bashing? Is any of this not accurate?

        This is a pretty funny article, but there are some blatant inaccuracies that I agree look like Christian bashing. Here's a couple:

        "Nor was Lot's family warned about looking back"
        They were warned not to look back. It's in the very same chapter. (Genesis 19)

        "Here's the people God does not want coming into his churches"
        Actually, it's a list of people who can't be priests that perform the food offerings. They are also not allowed in the "room behind the inner curtain" or at the altar. They are however still welcome to partake of the food offerings and are allowed in the rest of the temple. Also note that this is about Jewish temples, not churches which did not yet exist for thousands of years. (Leviticus 21)

      Point 2 didn't include the bit where Lot offers his virgin daughters to the rape-intent crowd if they leave him and the angels alone.

      Given that the Old Testament is the foundation book of Judaism, Christianity and also Islam, I think characterising this as "Christianity bashing" is a little unfair.

      But, I mean - if anything above is not correct, you should definitely point out where the errors are.

    Man... it must be good to be the boss, when us mortals do something wrong BAM... an eternity in hell.

      I like the anology of Earth being a fishbowl with God outside it who can do anything He wants.

      I recall the Dave Allen skit where he plays Moses comming down from the mountain with three tablets, and he says "I bring these fifteen..." drops one "... ten Commandments...". Maybe the random Acts of God were explained in the third tablet.
      eg, 13th Commandment might mention insurance companies perhaps.
      More intriguing, what if one of the other tablets broke? Which five Commandments would be unknown? And what will we have in it's place?

        There was only one and it superseded the 10. Those in the know live by it.

        11. Thou Shalt Not Get Caught

        PS Loved Dave Allen. My favourite joke of his was that he didn't want to go to heaven and spend infinity with all those people he spent every Sunday trying to avoid.

        Last edited 19/01/17 2:57 am

    An this is tech news??? Geez..

      God made man, man made tech, see that works... right?

        And then tech killed god, rinse and repeat.

        God created dinosaurs. God destroyed dinosaurs. God created Man. Man destroyed God. Man created dinosaurs.

      Maybe 500 years ago, the Giz equvalent was drawing on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?
      and didn't he invent the helicopter? And that funny four arm drawing.

      Last edited 31/07/16 4:27 am

    I like the one where some guy, I'll call him John is fleeing the Sodomites for some reason and goes to hide in a village, none of the villagers will take him in for fear of what the Sodomites will do. But one man (I'll call him Sam) says " hey I will give you shelter John, as it is Gods word you will be protected and no harm will come to you" Well the Sodomites show up looking for John and find him at Sam's house.

    Sam, after some talking convinces the Sodomites not to kill John but instead to take the wife and daughter instead...well the Sodomites did just that ... raped and murdered Sam's wife and daughter.

      I presume you're talking about Lot ("Sam"). Have you actually read the passage? "John" wasn't just one man, but in fact two angels (in the form of men) who were going to stay in the city square overnight. They weren't being pursued by the Sodomites at that point in time. Lot insisted they stay with him, so they did. When the men of Sodom found out about Lot's company, they came to rape the two "men". They tried to force their way into the house. While it is true that Lot then offered his daughters to the mob, the angels blinded the men trying to get in before anything happened. So, the Sodomites didn't rape and murder his wife and daughters. It's also worth noting that the passage doesn't condone Lot offering his daughters to the rapists.

      Here's the full chapter:
      https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+19&version=NKJV

      I haven't read this Gizmodo article (I came for the comments), but it wouldn't surprise me if it was filled with as much ignorance as your post.

        Its a bit rich for someone with your knowledge of Christianity to be slagging someone off for being ignorant...

          that's confusing - are you suggesting because Dill knows about christianity he must be ignorant? That's weird.. I know a fair chunk about lots of religions too - and I'm an atheist. My great great granny was a Jew who decided they whinged too much and bought a whole bunch of religious texts and read them all.. and that's subsequent generations have been raised - 'here kid, this is some stuff people believe, read em'.. Jaina texts, gnostic bible, koran, torah, christian bibles, zoroastrianist texts, the granth, book of mormon, marry baker eddy's stuff - it's kinda interesting to read all these too to see how people view the world. ignorance is a lack of knowledge.. just saying..

            Good for you and your Nanna. From the story you provide she seems like an intelligent woman.

            Fair enough, I was a little inarticulate with what was mean to be a pithy quip. I wrote out a huge paragraph in reply, but it became whatever the atheist version of preachy is called. Suffice to say there is nothing wrong with reading religious texts when read as works of fiction. And although they can be used as windows into our collective history, they should not be used to guide our future.

              Wouldn't it bother you if someone publicly misrepresented atheism? Surely you would point out that person's inaccuracies.

              What bigcheez77 posted was in fact inaccurate. I made the assumption that he was ignorant of that biblical account, because the only other explanation is that he was being dishonest, which I don't think was the case.

              But I'm curious... Are you saying it is immoral to read a religious text as true?

                Thanks for clearing that up Dill, I had the info wrong, I was recalling the tale told to me about 20 years ago.

                  No worries. Apologies if I was unnecessarily offensive.

                "Are you saying it is immoral to read a religious text as true?"

                Depends where you live and which text.

                In Oz, we're not that big on the whole 'Sky Wizard' thing, so have at it.

                In the US, Iran, Iraq, Qatar, UAE, Saudi, Nigeria and a number of other shitholes it's apparently important to read the 'correct' text.

    A remarkable list of tendentious, anachronistic readings from the typical village atheist. Take the first one: children? No, youths: possibly late 20s; a bunch of lawless marauding thugs somewhat like the ISIS crowd in regard to human life, out to get a lone traveller. The child sacrifice: if you can't read the full context, this is good reason to ignore amateur theologians. Genocide? Good idea to expunge child sacrifice (re-read the anti child sacrifice passage above...yes, its 'anti' not pro), and the disgusting cultures that promoted it. And so on.

      Is there some way you can interpret the great flood that doesn't make it genocide?

    In the beginning created the Universe. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

      In the Beginning, George created Hoth and the Deathstar.
      And George said "Let there be lightsabers"
      And George said let the water teem with Gungans, so George created the great JarJar Binks of the sea.
      George saw all that he had made, and it was very good. Then he made more crappy sequels unfortunately.

    Having an article about religion on a tech website is a bit like having an article about grammar on a foodie website.

    No 2: They were specifically warned "Don't look back"!

      I thought it was "don't look back in anger"? Maybe that was a british pop band in the 90s though.

    So what exactly was inappropriate in my last comment Gizmodo? I come to this web-site for the tech stories but instead you ridicule, denigrate the Christian religion which I deem inappropriate and offensive. I'm quite sure Gizmodo and this author wouldn't offend the other major religions of this world so why insult Christians, please have some respect and stick to the tech articles.

      Then dont read the article bud :)

      I actually found the article quite lighthearted and funny.

      Lighten up buttercup

        djbear, would you write that same comment to an offended Muslim? Like if the article was instead titled "Muhammad's 12 Biggest Dick Moves" and included pictures of the "Holy Prophet". Would you say "Lighten up buttercup"?

          Except every Christian I have ever met has been very quick to disassociate themselves from the old testament. So this is more poking fun at the issues that means that Christians themselves say that this isn't representative of our religion.

            Let's remember that this article is attacking the God of the Old Testament. Not just the specific laws or practices of Israel that the great majority of Christians don't believe are applicable to believers today. This piece isn't about those sorts of issues, but about the OT God's character.

            Christians should, and very often do, believe that the OT and NT reveal the same God and that He's supremely holy. So, the OT God and His character is totally representative of the Christian religion.

            The issue I have is that this Gizmodo article is misrepresenting that God. The article is inaccurate and misinterprets different OT passages. It is ignorant and lazy. Or dishonest.

            Also, this sort of mockery has been done to death. It is not only fallacious, but boring, lacking integrity and creativity. Why not write something like this about Muhammad? After all, apparently the God of the OT is fiction, but Muhammad was a real-life historical figure who we know committed atrocities. If one is a sceptic or an atheist then also mock the "Holy Prophet" and tell Muslims to "Lighten up buttercup" when they're offended. Be consistent.

            In before anyone makes a comment about Islamists killing people... Like someone else commented: Christianity and Christians are easy targets. You lack integrity and display bias if you're content to only criticise or mock weak and harmless opposition. Particularly if you're just repeating what many, many others have publicly said before.

          Well, Dill, it turns out that this article will be equally offensive to Muslims, who also regard the first five books of the Old Testament, the Torah, as the revealed word of God. Mohammad was a prophet, like Moses, so when you read "God", a Muslim would be reading the same text and see "Allah" instead. You basically both believe in the same God, the differenc eof opinion only comes about as to where you diverge from the Old testament into texts more amenable to your outlook.

          To be fair I think anyone who takes the most ridiculous parts of any religion seriously needs to be poked fun at. Whether it's Christian, Islam or Scientology. If your religion can't stand scrutiny (or a little humour at it's expense) it's not worth following.

          As an aside, I don't think any of the stuff in the old testament was "God" as I don't believe God exists. They're just a bunch of stories people put together to make people behave the way they felt was best. "Don't make fun of bald people or a bear will eat you" = respect your elders. Not liking deformed/sick etc might be considered eugenics today, but in a time when medical knowledge was practically non existent it actually makes sense.

          Jews, Christians and Muslims all worship the same god of Abraham. You would be better to compare Christ with Muhammad, as Jews and Muslims consider Christ a prophet, not the Son of God. Only Christians make that claim that Jesus is God. But the Holy Ghost is God too..

    Come on guys, don't get all salty just because Giz poked fun at a bit of fiction a lot of people are super into. I didn't get all pissy when they said the Warcraft movie was a bit shit.

      I enjoyed the Warcraft movie. I'm not super into Warcraft (played dota/play dota2 though).

    The biggest dick move was not stating clearly "in the beginning God created a work of fiction"

      You meant to say, "a few thousand years ago, men created a work of fiction".

    "...Damn it good to be a Gangster..."
    God works in mysterious ways!

    Jesus shed His Blood so you wouldn't go to hell. Sin is like a cancer, and it must be cut out - completely!

    GOD's intense Love sent His Son Jesus to pay the penalty, for the wages of sin is death.

    It's a love story, saved from hell by His Love, not sent there because of sin!

    The only sin now is the rejection of Jesus, as He is the only Way back into a loving relationship with a Holy God and His Blood is the ONLY way to be made pure and Holy.

    Just like we have a choice to choose to live right instead of committing crime(and hence jail), we also now have a choice to recieve Gods Love offering of Jesus Blood to atone for our sins and be free from sin and free from the punishment it would bring (hell).

    It's a love story.

    Love has made a way of escape, will you accept the free gift?

      Cant tell if trolling, Or just a moron.

      You make it sound like:

      A: God wants to have an incestual Relationship with his son (Fun fact, the bible endorses incest, As does the story of adam and eve)
      B: You make god sound like a creepy guy who wants to ejaculate his seed onto us.

      No thanks, I think ill stick with reality

        Reality.... Like there is no god... Jesus is just the taco guy down the road, or you neighbours gardener...

      "Sin" is a construct of man, it is not a thing that exists outside the human brain. In reality there is no such thing as sin. Ditto for "love", they are both abstract concepts, not real in any way. In 2017 it is absurd to believe any of this. Truly absurd.

    Why is this on Gizmodo? Does the author despise God so much he needed to post it here? Can't you do it on some other blog?
    If someone spoke like this of the Quran, you'd probably get into trouble, because you know, political correctness and sensitivity of the thing. Yet this bashing of Christianity/Judaism/etc. gets approval. Gizmodo has certainly slipped over the past few years, but this draws the line for me.

      - Accidental Reply -

      Last edited 30/07/16 12:55 am

    That was funny! Reminds me of the Ned Flanders quote "I've done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!"

    The reason why the Bible contains so much nonsense is because God is imaginary. The Bible is a book written thousands of years ago by primitive men. A book that advocates senseless murder, slavery and the oppression of women has no place in our society today.

      Wasn't the Bible written by several men perhaps centuries apart? That's why you get the contradictions. Doesn't sound like a collaberation.
      And now it's taken as Gospel

      So, just like the Koran then?

    Koran version please. You could do it in parts.

      The author will also be found in parts.

      That would give the journalistic phrase "explosive exposé" a whole new meaning.

    I keep asking for a Koran version but it keeps getting censored. Double standards anyone???

      Mostly because Christians aren't going to storm into your office and shot everyone with AK47s. Becuase you know that, it's easy and cowardly to take a cheap shot.

      Muslims believe this stuff just as strongly as Christians. They hold the first five books of the Old Testament to be the revealed word of God, just like the Quoran. The Quoran is more like the New Testament in their religion but the Torah, the first five books, are almost as holy to them as the Quoran itself. So when you poke fun at this version of God, you are getting a twofer, insulting two religions for the price of one.

    Very funny! Now here is a tip for Christians. Turn the other cheek when you suspect people are rubbishing your religion - isn't that what you are supposed to do? This will make your religion seem much more approachable than the OTHER types - you know the ones that stone you to death and stuff for denigrating their particular religion.

    Also if you are so sure yours is the ONE true religion - why argue with people about it - surely you can be comfortable in the knowledge that we will all get our comeuppance in the end.

      surely you can be comfortable in the knowledge that we will all get our comeuppance in the end

      The point is that they are sure of, but would rather you didn't have to.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now