In the 1950s, NORAD started “tracking Santa” to ensure that he could pass safely into the US without fear of being mistaken for a Soviet bomber. But here in 2016, it seems like getting approval from the military isn’t enough to prove that Father Christmas isn’t a terrorist. Santa has to go through Customs now.
Santa Claus raises his hand as he awaits his biometric scan for entry into the United States (US Customs and Border Protection screenshot via YouTube)
In a video posted by the US Customs and Border Protection agency, Santa is seen entering the US in a pretty bleak fashion. After waiting in line with everybody else, Santa is finally allowed to enter the country. But then he learns about the CBP’s Global Entry system, which allows him to come and go much easier.
The CBP YouTube page describes it as a “whimsical parody” that “portrays Santa arriving to the US and understanding the benefits of the CBP Global Entry Program.” But the video is pretty dystopian if you ask me.
Take a step back to think about what’s happening here. With some small tweaks, like perhaps imagining that the video was produced by a more authoritarian government, you’d probably look at the thing in a different light. I know I would.
The 2014 video, which currently has fewer than 3,000 views and didn’t get any real attention until it was tweeted by CBP on Christmas Eve, is basically one King Crimson song away from being a Children of Men parody.
Santa Claus gets his biometric scan for entry into the United States (US Customs and Border Protection screenshot via YouTube)
Back in 1961, a young girl wrote to President John F. Kennedy asking if the US military might accidentally nuke Santa Claus. And with Donald Trump now in the White House, that seems like a pretty solid possibility. But even if he escapes getting nuked, he still has to go through Customs. And thanks to the CBP’s Global Entry™ program, he probably won’t even need a fully cavity search this time!
Merry Christmas!