We've only got about two weeks left before Halloween, so if you don't already have a costume (like me), it's time to lock that shit down. And, thanks to the internet, it's easier than ever. Want to be both sexy and indescribably weird? We -- and most Halloween costume manufacturers -- are here to help! Note: The criteria for inclusion on this list isn't that it's "slutty". If you want to be that cold, go for it! To win a place here, the costume has to sit right at the nexus of "skimpy" and "questionable design". All images taken from Yandy unless otherwise indicated.
Despite "Sexy Pop Culture Character" making up 95 percents of all Halloween costumes, Sexy Faux Mr Robot (left) still came as surprise to me. Unfortunately, the mask is not included in the Sexy Hacker costume, which makes it a long hoodie being sold for $US25 ($33).
This is the second iteration of Yandy's sexy Trump costume, which debuted last year. Not that Sexy Trump wasn't already unsettling in 2015, but now it's positively nauseating.
An Assortment of Sexy Animals
Sexy Law Enforcement
From left to right: Bad Swat Babe, Police Hottie, Nightshift Police Catsuit and Naughty Net Cop. For when you want to have a really uncomfortable conversation about police brutality while also freezing your arse off. The shotgun-wielding Sexy SWAT Officer is all kinds of wrong.
AKA Sexy Pikachu, Sexy Mickey Mouse (Minnie exists, why do this?) and Sexy Dory. There's actually a sexy version of pretty much all the aquatic stars of Finding Nemo and Dory. Say goodbye to your childhood, kids.
See? These costumes from Forplay get points for "Sexy Found Fish", but then get docked points for referring to them all as "Cartoon Character". And the fact that Sexy Squirtle is referred to as "Caught Up" is just baffling.
We are baffled by Forplay's Fatal Attraction Sexy Comic Book Villain. As best as we can figure it, it's Poison Ivy, minus anything approaching a plant theme. Hell, Gotham's Poison Ivy had more authenticity. Of course, the Sexy Ninja Turtle also has very little signifying she's a turtle. Meanwhile, Sexy Mickey Mouse from Fantasia is disturbingly spot-on.
It's almost nice to see Forplay give a property as old as The Matrix a sexy version, even if it's just Trinity not wearing pants. With her fez, the Sexy Toy Soldier could probably double as a Sexy Shriner, which is probably already a costume that exists somewhere. And finally, Sexy Daddy Issues here answers that oh-so-important question: "Is there a Halloween costume grosser than Sexy Trump?"
WHY DOES MR INCREDIBLE NOT HAVE A FACE? He's going to give me nightmares. Although that tiger can get it.
Here's a friendly reminder that other cultures make for offensive costumes! Both the "Eskimo Cutie" and the "Native American Babe" cost over $US100 ($132). That's a lot of money to pay to be racially insensitive.
This is a pretty lazy Sexy Wolverine costume, although to be fair Deadpool no doubt loves his sexy doppelganger's outfit. Meanwhile, the question marks effectively pointing to Sexy Riddler's groin imply the vagina may be the greatest riddle of all.
Four Weird as Hell Cartoon Rompers
So, is that one on the left like a Stormtrooper or something? Has the Sexy Galaxy Intruder adorned her torso with the severed head of a traditional green alien to strike fear into the heart(s) of her enemies? And call me crazy, but I'm not 100 per cent sure that Sexy Space Commander's outfit would hold up in the cold vacuum of space.
Sexy Star Wars costumes have been with us for years, but there's something immensely depressing about Forplay Catalogue turning The Force Awakens' Rey into a buttocks-revealing Halloween costume. The biggest question is, out of all of these characters, why is the Sexy Stormtrooper costume the only one that uses its proper name?
Not even Hamilton is safe from the Sexy Costume train.
Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn, Harley Quinn and Harley Quinn
These are just the tiniest glimpse of the Harley Quinn costume apocalypse that waits for us all this Halloween. Seriously, there are 79 "jester"-type outfits on Yandy's website alone. Still, at least a few of them used Harley's original outfit from the animated series.