Uber drivers witness a lot of awful things. You may have been a part of some of those cringeworthy moments, but just in case, Ask Reddit is currently hosting a thread asking Uber drivers to spill the deepest secrets they have heard while driving. The stories are pretty incredible.
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We should note that it’s impossible to tell which stories in the thread are real. Ask Reddit moderators don’t require people to verify their identity before posting, so there’s a good chance some stories are completely fabricated. But that doesn’t change the glorious, vivid details, or the fact that reading the thread is a much better use of your time today than actually working.
There are plenty of stories about people making out, discussing rendezvous with mistresses and, in some cases, passengers openly talking about their deepest, darkest secrets. If there’s anything to learn from this thread, it’s that you should be careful about what you say in front of an Uber driver. They may just end up posting it on Reddit.
The entire Reddit thread is well worth a read if you’re into scandalous details about people’s drunken rides home from the bar. Here are our three favourite anecdotes:
westport76:
Former Uber driver here. Picked a girl up a sweet girl from a bar on a Wednesday night – absolutely hammered, about 10pm. She got into my car, apologised for being so drunk and politely asked if we could just drive around a little while, with the windows down.
I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to drive and pull a vomit bag out of the glove box, but no, she just did that aeroplane thing with one hand out the backseat window. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, yeah – I guess so.
That’s when she told me that she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone to consider chemo. I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and she was going to be okay. Tonight she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was taking a position abroad.
“I just didn’t tell them that abroad was heaven.”
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I turned off my app and cried my arse all the way home.
YetiPie:
I picked up this young overly affectionate couple that spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute.
So I drop off the couple and head on my way to pick up my text fare. I hear a mobile phone ring in my backseat, realise it’s my previous ride’s, and pick up the phone to let them know I have it and I’ll come back to drop it off. Turns out it was the guys wife phoning to check in on him while he was on a business trip, which he was thoroughly enjoying with his mistress
clever_username7:
One time I was driving a dude for a bit of a long trip. Was gonna take around 25-30 minutes. He wasn’t hammered, but definitely a bit drunk. It was late and he must’ve been feeling a bit down, so he confided in me and asked me for some advice.
He told me he’s madly in love with his fiancé’s best friend and he couldn’t back out now. He’d been with this girl 4 years, and engaged for 1, ready to be married in a few months.
It was pretty sad to hear, because it wasn’t just your average story. It was filled with a lot of subtle emotional and mental anguish. The guy went through about 5 years of ups and downs with his girl, and found an innocent friend and comfort in the best friend. After a few years, he developed feelings and it was just downhill from there.
Felt bad for the guy because he seemed like he was truly in love with his fiancé too, although he had strong feelings for this friend. He knew that going through with the marriage meant a lifetime of being around the friend and suppressing feelings, but also breaking it off meant that he lost the girl of his dreams. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, and I hope he’s doing okay.