In the old expanded universe, the Ewoks sort of just went about their business on Endor after the second Death Star was destroyed. Disney's new canon, however, imagines something a little different — and it's ridiculous. Chuck Wendig's new novel Aftermath: Life Debt is packed with new nuggets of information about the state of the Star Wars galaxy after Return of the Jedi, many of which we broke down last week. But when we read this one, we just knew we had to share it so it can be... savoured on its own.
At one point in Life Debt, a Rebel commando named Dade has his leg blown off in an a skirmish with Imperial ground forces. He gets the leg replaced with a prosthetic limb at a New Republic medical centre, and during his recovery process, is offered a 'therapy droid' to combat PTSD. Earlier on in the novel, the little droid is described like this:
It's got a clunky, squarish head, bur it rolls around slowly on a blue-and-gold ball-shaped body. Smaller than your standard astro-droid — this one only sits about knee-high. It warbles and blurps at him, focusing a pair of ocular lenses on him as it juggles its own head, which sits improbably upon its body like a box balanced as its head dips dangerously to the side.
Making it sound a lot like an early version of BB units like BB-8. Makes sense, as BB-8 is both very cute and probably very relaxing! QT-9 is a great name for such a droid.
But that's beside the point. When Dade is first wary at how much a cute little droid will help him recover, a Doctor offers an... alternative therapy pet:
"Yeah, Doc, I see that, but why is there a droid here?"
"This is QT-9. He is your droid."
Dade arches an eyebrow so high he's pretty sure it hovers a few centimeters above his head. "I don't recall owning a droid."
"Think of it as renting one, except for free. QT-9 is a prototype therapy droid."
"I don't want a whatever-that-is."
Arsad smirks. "I could put you in for a therapy Ewok, instead. Some of the native Endor creatures have agreed to travel offworld to help veterans like you recuperate. As a matter of recompense for saving their home."
"Oh, yeah, I don't want one of those. They smell horrible."
That's right: Therapy Ewoks. Apparently, in their droves, Ewoks signed up to be therapy creatures for the New Republic as a thanks for the Rebel Alliance's actions on Endor. THERAPY. EWOKS. Let that sink in. Imagine a tormented combat veteran having a PTSD episode while a group of therapy Ewoks sing Yub Nub in the background, attempting to calm them down. That's apparently a thing that is now Star Wars canon.
It's so dumb. And I love it. Thank you for this, Chuck Wendig.