Elon Musk has suggested that Earth is simply a simulation from an alien race's video game. Why would Musk say this? Because he is one of those aliens. Image: Getty / History Channel / Gizmodo
It's easy to get a kick out of Musk's quirky quotables. But the closer you look at his words and actions, the more you'll start to see: He's an alien who came from another galaxy to help save humanity. Here's proof.
SpaceX is just a front so he can have somewhere to store his own space transportation vehicles without raising suspicion. (All those "failed" launches — totally staged.) Why is Musk so hell-bent on getting rockets to leave our atmosphere? Because eventually, he needs to get home.
The plan to blow up Mars
Musk raised more than Stephen Colbert's eyebrows when he recommended that we "drop thermonuclear weapons over the poles" of Mars. Why would anyone want to lob nukes at an innocent planet? He claims it might warm the atmosphere up enough to make Mars hospitable. But he really wanted to destroy it. I mean, if your own race had long been at odds with the extraterrestrials that reside on Mars, you'd want to blow them up, too. Maybe it's part of the reason he came to Earth. Luckily there now seems to be some kind of treaty in place.
The plan to land on Mars
The rumor that I'm building a spaceship to get back to my home planet Mars is totally untrue
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 12, 2015
He keeps making the Mars jokes to throw us off track.
The plan to "die" on Mars
Musk has said several times that he wants to retire and expire on the Red Planet. But this is really just so people won't notice that he went back to his own planet.
No entrepreneur in their right mind would get into the electric vehicle business, which currently represents only about 0.1 per cent of all cars sold. Yet Musk is pouring billions into his "secret master plan" to get transportation off fossil fuels, reduce global emissions and therefore prevent a catastrophic warming of the planet. What's more, he proposed this way before we even knew how much trouble we were in.
Alien spotted exiting potential spacecraft. (Image: Getty)
He accidentally put the autonomous feature on Tesla's cars too early, forgetting that humans weren't as intelligent as his own race.
What's really inside those Tesla Powerwalls? That's just it: No one knows.
No one needs a factory that big. He had to build it that big so the giant solar array on the roof would be powerful enough to help him communicate with his friends back home. Which is also why he wants to build an internet in space.
His knowledge of the Sun
"A lot of people don't appreciate that our sun is a giant fusion explosion," he said last year. He's right — people never would.
Interesting to think of physics as a set of compression algorithms for the universe. That's basically what formulas are.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 16, 2016
His knowledge of interplanetary law
Why would he have an entire proposal for how to run a government on another planet? Because he ran a government on another planet.
His knowledge of how comfortable Dragon 2 would be for travelling through the Solar System
BECAUSE HE ALREADY DID IT.
But wouldn't recommend transporting astronauts beyond Earth-moon region. Wouldn't be fun for longer journeys. Internal volume ~size of SUV.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 27, 2016
He lives in Bel-Air
Come on, buying a house in Bel-Air is something you'd do if the only things you knew about LA were from what you learned on TV shows.
His ex-wife affectionately calls him a cyborg
"I do think of him as the Terminator. He locks his gaze on to something and says, 'It shall be mine.' Bit by bit, he won me over." This is something that Justine Musk, his ex-wife, actually said.
No human has skin that perfect. (Image: OnInnovation)
Sure, it's not a new idea. But no one paid attention to this concept until he proposed it and gave us a few hints about how to do it right. This idea — which makes a lot more sense in a place without an Earth-like atmosphere — is obviously the way they get around back where he comes from. And the fact that he just left the idea out there, letting all these Earthbound companies get the glory? Brilliant.
Sometimes he forgets he's not one of us. (Image: Samferdselsdepartementet)
Bioweapon Defence Mode
And apparently we're gonna need this Tesla feature. Because...
He keeps warning us about World War III
"I think we need to acknowledge that there's certainly a possibility of a third World War, and if that does occur it could be far worse than anything that's happened before," he said last year. Ominous! HE KNOWS.
He keeps warning us about the robot apocalypse
Why do you think he started Open AI? Why doesn't he want autonomous military tech? Why is he worried that Google is becoming too powerful? He's seen it all happen before, you guys. He's here to stop it.
He can travel through time
Musk makes weird comments all the time where it's completely obvious that he already knows what's going to happen. Consider yesterday's exchange with Joshua Topolsky at the Code conference:
— Brian Lam (@blam) June 2, 2016
How could he have possibly guessed that Topolsky was going to ask that?
Another example: He called Apple's car a missed opportunity. Apple's car has not even been made yet — how would he know? Only if he had already seen it. By travelling through time.
He doesn't behave like a human
He has been known to sleep at his desk (because he doesn't need to sleep, obviously) and he thinks cars are built like babies. Then he tries to share things that make him seem like he has emotions, but he fails.
Dog snuggle thread on reddit. Comments get really good. https://t.co/7Cc6rnsvSn
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 14, 2016
Have recently come to appreciate the awesome, absurdist humor of Waiting for Godot. We so often wait, without knowing why, when or where.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) April 17, 2016
Seems like an opportune moment to bring up the Fermi Paradox, aka "where are the aliens?" Really odd that we see no sign of them.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) March 12, 2015
Just look at him
Look at me, I'm a regular human that gets pop culture references! (Image: Arthur Mola via AP Images)