If you're in the market for a used car, look no further. This is "the sword of knights, the chariot of kings" — the Silver Bullet is the only car you'll ever need in your life.
It's not the first time someone has tried to sell their car with personality where looks have failed (sorry Bullet) but it takes quite a bit of cheek to advertise your car with "cruise control via stable leg operated foot" and "4 wheels covered in a thin layer of rubber, perfect for sliding over icy terrain". This Gumtree ad is fully aware of its product's little quirks, but steadfastly continues its sales pitch anyway — and does so with only two instances of over-enthusiastic caps lock.
Driving it may be a bit of an adventure, as the Bullet is said to have some exotic tastes: "Similar to 50 Shades Of Grey, this car requires a good Choke to get her engine going. Don’t hold back, she wants it for a good couple of minutes every morning, trust me, she’ll drive you wild when she gets it." While she may not be the prettiest thing to look at herself, remember that there are always the "windows all round to view the realms you will conquer."
You might have to get in quick if she's catching your eye, as the seller is considering all offers: "Lets talk gold. I could trade this for the emperors daughter, but I'm asking for your best offer. Throw me a bone. As of 2014 this stallion is a collectors item, it's only going up from here." Sound too good to be true? Not to worry, the Gumtree ad comes with an assurance that it is indeed a legitimate sale, even if its language refers to its readers as "faceless used car trolls".
It's even got a CD player — that's some cutting edge technology right there. Just in case that much hasn't sold it for you, get this: it also comes with "an original Sega Mega Drive with 2 controllers". What a bargain!
Because the ad seems liable to disappear (whether it's because the Bullet gets sold or because Gumtree decides to try and remove it again) we've preserved it in all its glory for you to read right here. Enjoy!