In tandem with a novel way to waste money, Snapchat now offers a new way to scare the shit out of your friends. It’s called “Lenses” and I never want to use it again.
Lenses is basically some facial recognition software that’s hacked to distort your expression if various, usually horrifying ways. To activate it, you just open Snapchat, switch to selfie mode, and then hold your finger down on your face. A little spiderweb sort of thing will flash over your mug, and seven little icons will appear next to the shutter button. It looks like this, below.
You just swipe to the left to change the lens, and that’s when the fun begins. It seems cute and friendly at first. The hearts explode when you raise your eyebrows:
Then it’s kind of futuristic and Star Treky. It flashes read and says “WARNING” from time-to-time:
Keep swiping and you’ll get the chance to look like you’re on drugs and barfing rainbows. Still sort of fun but starting to get a little weird:
Then holy shit it’s the Babadook or one of the zombies from I Am Legend or something!!!
And I think this next one is supposed to be the monopoly man but really it’s the peek into my wrinkly future I never wanted to see.
This one is most definitely Judge Doom, the Robert Moses-inspired villain played by Christopher Lloyd in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
But at least we almost end on a sweet note. The final lens is basically a pink filter and a shower of hearts and a subtle eye-widening effect that makes me look a little bit like Gollum:
Be safe out there, kids. The monsters are winning.