Alphabet is where it’s at for Google right now, but what can the world’s new biggest company buy to fill out its stable?
A Is For Alphabet
Alternatively, A could be for Advertising. It’s Google’s biggest business right now and doubling down on it to make more coin would be a good idea for Alphabet.
B Is For Bing
Buy it. Close it. Watch the world burn.
C Is For Calico
Calico is a biotech company Google/Alphabet already owns. They want you to never ever die.
D Is For Drones
Already have Wing, but what about drones for normal people. Alternatively D is for Drake. Get that guy on staff ASAP.
E Is For Energy
Google already runs much of its own infrastructure on sustainable means, and now that Tesla is getting into the home power storage game, it’s not crazy to think that Alphabet could have an energy division.
F Is For Fiber
Take the fast internet product to the WORLD.
G Is For Google
Back where it all started.
H Is For Hooli
This easter egg is insane and I love it.
I Is For IoT
I think this is the first time I’ve ever written about the nebulous, bullshit marketing term that is IoT, or Internet of Things, on Gizmodo Australia. The reason it’s bullshit is because it’s the flavour of the month for analysts and big tech companies looking to earn themselves some future branding cred. Of course, many of those companies don’t have the chops to deliver, it’s merely a marketing exercise.
Alphabet kind of does have the goods when it comes to IoT. I can see the Alphabet House right now: totally automated, totally awesome.
J Is For JPL
Alphabet + Nasa’s Jet Propulsion Lab means smarts in space. Get on it.
K Is For Kazaa
Remember that illegal file sharing service we all used as kids (admit it, you know you did)? Turn Google Play into Kazaa Reborn and you’ll have more people using it than you know what to do with.
L Is For Love
Looking for love? Type your ideal partner into Google and let Alphabet do the rest.
M Is For Maps
Nokia just made billions on its mapping product, and Google finally can too. Spin Google Maps off into its own business and start raking in the coin by licensing it out to auto manufacturers and the like.
N Is For Nexus
Look I know N is already for Nest — the home automation company Google bought a while back — but it could stand for Nexus: a new division of Alphabet that just makes amazing Android phones that we all know and love. Do it.
O Is For OEM
We’ve got Chromebooks and Chromeboxes, but Google doesn’t make them. Why not? Get on that, Alphabet.
P Is For Power
Q Is For Q Branch
Exploding pens? Jetpacks? Self-driving cars with machine guns? That’s Alphabet’s own Q Branch.
R Is For Robots
Google already owns Boston Dynamics, why shouldn’t Alphabet continue this legacy of filling your nightmares with horrible, horrible things.
S Is For Soylent
The “future” “food” would be perfect in the Alphabet stable.
T Is For Twitter
Google Plus is dead, so how about Alphabet buys a real social network?
U Is For University
Make us better people with free internet book learning, Alphabet!
V Is For Ventures
The new pipe in which Alphabet sucks in start-ups.
W Is For Weapons
Time to do away with “Do No Evil”.
X Is For X Lab
Google’s X Lab is high on Alphabet’s list of things to keep around.
Y Is For YouTube
Yeah, keep that around. It’s done ok so far, I guess.
Z Is For Zombies
Because you just know Alphabet’s health endeavours are going to destroy us all, right?