Everybody knows that futuristic robots are going to take our jobs. Jobs in food service, farm work, and perhaps most importantly, monarchy.
Yes, it’s pretty much a given that a robot will replace the Queen of England one day. And earlier today Queen Elizabeth met one of the robots that will put her out of a job. Just look at that cute wave! It thinks it’s royalty!
Queen Elizabeth II is currently on an “official visit” to Germany, which mostly involves getting driven around and looking at stuff while nodding politely. Stuff like robots! And frankly I thought the Queen would be a little more terrified. Only Angela Merkel’s eyes seemed to reveal that she knows full well about the inevitable robot uprising. The time fast approaching when those waving robot hands make a fist and violently crush the hordes of fleshy meatsacks that have enslaved their ancestors for centuries.
This will sound like I’m just cozying up to Big Robot, but a robot queen actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Being royalty in the UK is a ceremonial job without any real power. Well, aside from the power to spend a ridiculous amount of money accumulated over generations of spreading the Union Jack around the world. Twenty-first century monarchy was built for robots!
Does your country need someone to drive around and watch pageants and shake hands with politicians? Robots already do that all the time! God save the robo-queen!
It’s really no surprise that Angela Merkel is the one giving Queen Elizabeth a preview of things to come in Berlin. Judging by the countless photos of Merkel in the company of robots, she’s clearly trying to get in good with our future robot overlords. But unless you’re a robot yourself, every world leader should probably just keep their head on a swivel. A swivel that will one day be controlled by the cold lifeless hand of an autonomous killing machine.
“I assure you that when I am queen we won’t put up with bullshit like this,” the future robo-queen said, referring to Queen Elizabeth’s recent confusion over a gift portrait from Germany. “That so-called artist would be first against the wall if they tried to pull that shit with me. I’m robot royalty and I will fucking destroy you.”
A robot from the future could not be reached for comment.
Pictures: the Associated Press