The Sony hack is a terrible, awful thing that's going to leave thousands of everyday employees dealing with the repercussions for years to come. But! At least there's a crazy, ranting, sheeple-slaying silver lining. Friends, allow us to introduce you to the Sony hack truthers. There are a lot of them.
Their theories inhabit a wide range of crazy — from maybe-something's-up scepticism to jet-fuel-can't-melt-steel absurdity — but each is beautiful in its own, special way. Is it all just one big PR stunt? Did Obama orchestrate the Sony hack with the FBI to reintroduce SOPA legislation? Is this the same Big Brother group that went after Donald Sterling? Can we get Michael Jackson involved somehow? Sure! All of the above. Let's take a tour.
It's All a Publicity Stunt
@CNNLive I think we will find out the MEDIA got played by SONY and there was NO North Korea hack. Credit to SONY PR department genius.
— BTime4Truth (@BTime4Truth) December 24, 2014
CALLED IT! @patrickdijusto What If focus groups tell Sony "The Interview" will flop. Sony cooks up elaborate ruse to justify shelving it.
— Patrick DiJusto (@patrickdijusto) December 23, 2014
Has it occurred to anyone that perhaps #SonyHack was a publicity stunt to promote The Interview, now that they decided to go on showing?
— Joe Chasinga (@jochasinga) December 24, 2014
— Josey Wales (@WalesJose) December 23, 2014
It's a Textbook False Flag Operation
Obama and the MPAA are in on the Sony Hack to pass a Draconian Internet Censorship Bill. This is a classic False Flag. ...
— News Service (@RealTimeHack) December 23, 2014
The Sony hack has all the markings of a false flag OP. More reason to convince people to give up freedoms I.E. Internet privacy
— yasha chata (@steckosaur) December 22, 2014
Not buying this #SonyHack . Great marketing, irresponsible ..
— Vincent Gruosso (@1Vincent) December 23, 2014
— Henri Eskelinen (@UrbanDrawer) December 24, 2014
Anybody remember me saying a while back to be watching for a false flag internet hack so the government could get control of the web? #Sony
— Hank (@HankusMackimus) December 21, 2014
#SonyHack= publicity stunt gone crazy turning into a false flag to hunt hackers & further the NSA & pass SOPA
— Rogen X Revolutionar (@addhdgamer) December 23, 2014
North Korea didn't hack Sony. It's a false flag to sell internet tryanny laws & a marketing ploy. Only low IQs will watch The Interview
— Zanesville Democrat (@ZANVDEM) December 24, 2014
It's... I dunno, some crazy bullshit?
SONY HACK WAS A PHONY SCAM,2 GIVE OBAMA CONTROL OVER ALL COMMUNACATIONS,an the CONGRESS,N,SENATE GAVE IN 2 HIM,DO U STILL TRUST UR GOV,NOW,!
— walter moore (@waltermoore5) December 19, 2014
AHAHAHAH ITS FUNNY SONY WANTS TO STOP THE SPREAD OF INFORMATION THEY THEMSELVES PUT ON THE INTERNET FOR PROMOTION. #SonyHack FAKE.
— AKilluminati (@An0nKn0wledge) December 23, 2014
SONY HACK = FALSE FLAG. Why would the US fake a hack on Sony and blame North Korea? First off, President Obama, t... pic.twitter.com/4vmb05dWvK
— Jb (@jbcday) December 23, 2014
THE SONY HACK IS A SCAM,BY SONY N OBAMA,2 collect insur, money,an as usual start another distraction,from the real story,DEATH OF THE USA
— walter moore (@waltermoore5) December 21, 2014
And perhaps the most compelling argument of them all:
It's important to keep in mind that, in reality, all this leaked data was devastating, both to Sony and its employees. Thousands of social security numbers were plastered up for the world to see. Sony may be releasing The Interview in a few hundred US theatres now, but that's nothing compared to the thousands that they had been slated to previously. Plus, Sony is going to be dealing with the residual lawsuits for years.
Not to mention the fact that this isn't a movie that Sony Pictures even likes very much! There will be no Oscar buzz. In any other scenario, the movie would have premiered to ok-ish box office numbers and immediately been forgotten about. There is absolutely no reason for Sony to risk its own livelihood — not to mention committing a federal offence or two in the process — on such a dumb, unspectacular, mediocre film.
No company that didn't have a death wish would do this to itself. Kenyan expatriate Barack Hussein Obama in conjunction with the lamestream media and communist Cuba, though? You be the judge.
Art by Sam Woolley