Unfortunately for me and anyone within my general vicinity, I'm so clumsy that I should be considered handicapped. I regularly stub my toes, walk into walls, spill full cups of tea, trip over my own feet and just generally wreak havoc anywhere I seem to go.
With this in mind, I am the last person on earth who should text and walk. But I do. All the time.
Smashed phone image via Shutterstock
In fact, just this morning I was walking across Pitt Street in the middle of Sydney — phone in hand — and I fell flat on my stomach. I lost half the skin on my knee and nearly tore my thumb off. Nothing tripped me, I just lost my balance and fell. This happens a lot, and predictably, catastrophe almost always ensues.
So I bring to you my most recent walking and texting disaster.
It was a Saturday night and I was coming home from a friend’s place at about 2AM. In stereotypical Gen-Y fashion, a bunch of us had spent the evening playing New Words With Friends against each other — because actual, real-life, sociable Scrabble is so 2000-and-late, am I right?
As soon as I parked my car, I pulled out my phone to continue playing the multiple games I had going. I was beating everyone by at least 100 points at this stage so I had my eyes smugly glued to the screen to see if anyone would be able to challenge my rather large lead. Flicking between games, I began the ascent up my long driveway. My driveway is wide, flat and smooth, so there aren’t too many trip hazards — or so I thought.
So here I am, walking with my phone in hand, completely oblivious to my surroundings and not bothering to look up even once to check if my path was clear. I was completely absorbed as one of my friends followed my 55 point play of 'zealous' with a much more modest word - 'tile'. (What a noob.)
All of this happened and then all of a sudden, my head slowly goes through the biggest, most fibrous spiderweb ever. There was one moment of shock where I froze, immediately followed by the moment when I felt the spider in my hair. The violent thrashing that ensued was worthy of a Skrillex set, and my mind was blank but for one thought — GET IT OUT.
Once I finally confirmed that the dreaded arachnid was no longer scuttling around my head, I knew it was time to go back and assess the damage I had just done. In that moment of clumsy, oblivious terror I had dropped — practically thrown — everything I was holding, including my beloved phone.
On impact with the hard, graveled concrete of my driveway, it had completely shattered. Large pieces of the screen had fallen out, and the display was a multicoloured mess of green and blue lines. My stomach dropped — it was instantly and completely unusable. No texting. No alarm clock. And certainly no New Words With Friends.
So guys, don’t walk and text. Because spider webs are out there. Waiting.