Among the worst features of Apple’s iOS 8 is QuickText, a feature that believes it can figure out what you’re going to text someone before you even think of it. It could be magical, instead it’s only good for writing nonsense sentences and mangling famous movie quotes. But maybe, just maybe, you can use it to get laid on Tinder?
I decided to try a little experiment. I quickly swiped right on 100 guys and decided that for all that I was matched with (47 out of 100, which means I’m about a 5) when they messaged me I would only respond using QuickText. A few other ground rules:
- I would try my best to answer guys honestly but if the sentence got away from me, all bets were off.
- If the conversation was going nowhere I could cut it off before they did, but most people just stopped responding pretty quickly.
- If QuickText offered no suggestions for a first word (which happens randomly now and again) I could choose my own first word, but then had to start taking suggestions from there.
The hardest part is that QuickText only offers three options to start a sentence: I, I’m or The. All responses had to go from there. The easiest thing to type to everyone would have been “I love you” with three quick keystrokes on the left hand option, but I wasn’t going to tell random dudes on Tinder that I love them. That’s what Grindr is for.
After talking to about a dozen guys using QuickText, only one of them asked me out on a date, which either says something about how attractive my pictures are (remember, I’m a 5) or how much this guy is in love with text that sounds like it spoken with the same voice as a Speak and Spell. In fact more than one victim thought I was using drugs.
The conclusion is that QuickText is not good for your romantic life. In fact, you should probably just shut it off.