Being a tech blogger has made me the default tech support for my family. Especially for my mother. While she's pretty savvy, all things considered, she still asks me some pretty funny questions.
Rather than getting frustrated that she can't remember how to upload photos from her camera onto her computer for the umpteenth time (actually, we've slain this dragon now that her iPhone is her camera), I've started tracking the questions she's asked. And how I have answered. Programming note: some of these answers have been modified to make me seem more patient and understanding and like I curse less.
1) Why does Siri hate me?
Well, Siri is not a sentient being, so she doesn't possess the ability to feel, let alone hate. But you may be referring to her inability to answer your questions in the way you feel is actually useful. That's because Siri sucks. She has only recently exited beta, which is a public testing phase. She's a work in progress, and will hopefully get better in the future. Hopefully. In the meantime maybe just Google it?
2) Speaking of iOS 7, I don't like it. Why did Apple change to iOS 7?
I'm sorry you don't like iOS 7, but I think it's better than iOS 6 in almost every way. It has flat design, better notifications, a new notification center, and just looks much, much nicer. You will get used to it, I promise. This is just how things work, unfortunately. Things change! I know it's frustrating to have to acclimate to a new way of doing things, but you just have to slog through it for a while. If you need help, here's an easy guide.
3) Why is my iPhone running out of space?
Well, you went against my advice when you bought your 4S and bought a phone with 16GB of space instead of 32GB. Since you keep a lot of pictures on your phone, you eat through that space fairly quickly. Why not consider deleting some of the pics you keep on your phone, since you have them loaded onto your computer?
4) How do I delete all these newspapers from my iPad?
Hold down the corner of the issue you would like to delete, and wait until a small X icon comes up. Click the icon, and the issue will be trashed.
5) When am I eligible for an upgrade on my phone?
Do you know when you bought the phone you have? No? OK, then. You can either log into your phone account to find out, or check in person at the Apple Store or your carrier's store.
6) I think I want a new iPhone. Which iPhone do I want?
Well, if you're trying to save money, maybe the 5C. You've had a 4S for so long, it will be a big difference.
7) But what if I don't want that yellow or blue crap [read: plastic back] on the back?
Then you should just get an iPhone 5S.
8) What is a Snapchat?
Snapchat is an app that lets you take photos and videos and send them to your friends. The photos and videos expire after you look at them. Note: did not point out that Snapchat is often used to send nudes.
9) What is my Instagram password?
I don't know your Instagram password. You might try one of these three passwords you tend to use for everything (by the way, we should talk about how bad your passwords are). But you can easily find out by clicking the "forgot password" option on the login page, entering the email address you used to register your account, then checking your email for instructions on how to reset your password.
10) Will you come to my book club and answer questions on tech support?
No, I will not come to your book club and answer questions on tech support.