Earlier this week, the fire department in Ibiza, Spain, were called to the local hospital to assist with a medical emergency. A man had trapped his penis and testicles in “armour plating”. Armour plating is a sex toy. The firemen were required because they were the only ones with a big enough saw to get it off.
The buzzsaw penis rescue procedure to remove the toy — a metal cylinder about 15cm in diamater — took over two hours, and the firemen had to change out the rotating blade and recharge the saw before they were done. The penis became more “swollen” throughout the procedure, likely due to restricted blood flow that could cause permanent nerve damage, but possibly because danger is kind of sexy. Eventually the patient, a 51-year-old German tourist, had to be put under general anaesthesia, because of discomfort, and also because he was complaining constantly in obvious concern about the literal sparks flying from his crotch as burly (assumption, but we hope) firefighters took a buzzsaw to his penis.
He was held in the hospital overnight and released on Thursday with a clean bill of health. The fire department has been called to remove sex toys from penises before, which is itself surprising until you remember how much men enjoy inserting their penises into things, but “never one this big”. So our German friend has that going for him at least? [The Local]