Celebrities endorsing products in weird, non-sensical combinations isn’t anything new. Ozzy Osbourne, for instance, hocked I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, and Kiss wanted you to rest for eternity in your very own Kiss Kasket. But those were the dark ages. The dawn of the smartphone gave celebs an even easier, more intimate way to make sure we never forget who they are and that they’re still famous, so help us god.
Yes, the mobile app — with its many possible forms, purposes and lacks thereof — has given today’s celebs a bit too much freedom in all their self-promoting glory. Here are some of the more absurd incarnations to have come from these ever-unholy unions.
Smize Yourself by Tyra Banks: Let Tyra teach you to smize (or smile with your eyes) as she cheers you on and turns you into something resembling an anime character with its chin in a vise. You’re beautiful now. $0.99/iOS.
WWE Presents: Rockpocalypse by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson: Eat pie, get tattoos, and fight your way through the virus-infected zombies plaguing The Rock’s latest movie set because, just in case you forgot, he’s in movies. Go see his movies. Free/iOS, Android.
It’s Britney! by Britney Spears: Get as close to Britney as you can without a restraining order. Insert her into your photos; scroll through galleries of vintage, modern, and deconstructionist Britney; and shake your phone to hear those three little words for which we all ache: “It’s Britney, Bitch.” $1.99/iOS.
iSamJackson by Samuel L. Jackson: Customise your own absurdly elaborate, studio-recorded Sam Jackson soundboard to advise, encourage and verbally berate you at your every whim. $0.99/iOS.
Be Like Lil’ Wayne by Lil’ Wayne: Step into Weezy’s shoes and cover your favourite selfies with all the tattoos and bling you can bare. Because a photo of your baby is fun, but a photo of your baby covered in gang signs is timeless. $1.99/iOS.
Ask The Hoff by David Hasselhoff: Knight Rider himself recorded exclusive audio for the app so you can have his sage advice every time you shake your phone. And if you’re spending $US2 on this, you’ll want all the help you can get. $1.99/Android.