Grab yourself one of these replica "Orcrist" swords from Weta's collectibles store and you'll never again hear the words "You call that a knife?". Well, at least not directed at you and certainly not from anything resembling a goblin.
Orcrist is the name of the weapon used by Thorin Oakenshield in The Hobbit, the latest Lord of the Rings film. According to the product page on Weta's store, the sword was designed by Paul Tobin and forged by "master swordsmith" Peter Lyon. It's made from spring steel and CC60 urethane, weights 2.92kg and measures 1.25m from end to end. Weta will even ship it in a majestic wooden display case.
Unfortunately, there are a few trolls you'll have to slay to get your hands on Oakenshield's finest. First of all, there's the price -- $US9900, or about $9500 in local dollars at the time of writing. Then there's the fact only 50 will be made and some of those are already reserved for collectors. Finally, each sword is custom-made, with the product page mentioning that you'll likely wait six months to receive your glorious edged treasure.
That's if, of course, customs doesn't have a problem with it, so best to give them a ring if you're concerned about it being detained for looking way too awesome.