Forget coffee. Forget juice. Forget milk, damnit. Over in the US, Mountain Dew wants you wash down your cereal with an energy drink. Nope. Nope. Nope. We're not going to do that.
What Is It?
An energy drink you imbibe before noon with 5 per cent juice, vitamins A and B, 180mg of sodium, 95mg of caffeine and absolutely zero real nutritional value. It comes in Energizing Orange Citrus and Energizing Fruit Punch With Just The Right Amount Of Kick.
Who's It For?
People who don't want to drink coffee or tea, wonder what pairs well with a 7-11 Maple Pancake Sausage Roller, want to kick and punch their way into the office. And sell weed on the side.
A 6.25-inch tall orange and green/red and green aluminium can filled with poison. It came to us already chilled in a thick plexiglass case because it is radioactive.
Orange tastes like Diet Sunkist and Fruit Punch has notes of Mountain Dew Code Red. It makes you very awake, but not so awake that you're jittery or need to smoke a cigarette. It leaves a thick viscous aftertaste of a soft drink in the back of your throat.
The Best Part
5 per cent real juice is 5 per cent more juice than you would think.
It's an energy drink that you eat for breakfast. An executive had to approve this.
This Is Weird...
It actually has less caffeine than a small cup of coffee, which generally has around 100mg of caffeine.
Should You Buy It?
This is unquestionably bad for you and it's basically just regular Mountain Dew with different marketing. No. Are you serious? No.
- Already had one cup of coffee earlier.
- Did not finish the entire can(s) because I do not welcome death.
- My stomach kind of hurts but I'm not sure if that's from KickStart or the beer I drank last night.
- I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever drink this by choice.
Mountain Dew KickStart
• Price: TBA (probably like $1.99) • Ingredients: Orange Citrus: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, white grape juice concentrate, concentrated orange juice, citric acid, sodium hexametaphosphate, natural flavour, gum arabic, potassium sorbate, asorbic acid, caffeine, sodium citrate, acesulfame potassium, sucrose acetate isobutyrate, sucralose, glycerol ester of rosin, sodium benzoate, niacinamide, calcium disorium edta, calcium pantothenate, yellow 5, yellow 6, pyridoxine hydrochloride Fruit Punch: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, white grape juice concentrate, citric acid, natural and artificial flavour, sodium hexametaphosphate, potassium sorbate, asorbic acid, gum arabic, caffeine, acesulfame potassium, sucralose, red 40, niacinamide, glycerol ester of rosin, yellow 5, calcium disorium edta, calcium pantothenate, sucrose acetate isobutyrate, pyridoxine hydrochloride • Dimensions: 16cm high x 5cm in diameter • Calories: 80
Picture: Michael Hession