Pubic Lice Is Becoming An Endangered Species Because Everybody's Getting Brazilian Waxes

According to doctors, public lice or crabs or whatever the hell that makes people scratch down there is disappearing because everybody is getting Brazilian waxes. We're killing them off by destroying the forests they love to live in. Hooray for hairless humans!

According to studies, 80 per cent of college students in the US remove all or some of their pubic hair. That's an eviction notice for all crabs -- public lice can't live where there's no where to live, you know. Some health clinics haven't even seen a pubic lice case in 5 years. Ian F. Burgess, a medical entomologist with Insect Research & Development Ltd. in Cambridge, England told Bloomberg:

"Pubic grooming has led to a severe depletion of crab louse populations. Add to that other aspects of body hair depilation, and you can see an environmental disaster in the making for this species."

So you see, this is the one instance where habitat destruction is a good thing. For the pests that are pubic lice, for the quality time that is coupling and for everybody's general cleanliness. When science works with sex, good things come out of it. [Bloomberg, Image Credit: Creativa/Shutterstock]


    Damn.. Now how am I meant to use the line "Go and play fetch with your crabs" if they're becoming extinct D=

    Thank god for personal grooming. Who doesn't prefer a waxed cha cha

      "Personal grooming"?
      Like shaving your head would be "personal grooming"? More bald headed chicks... may as well, it gets rid of lice afterall. :)

      Apparently some Indian and middle eastern cultures prefer hair down there.

        That could change pretty quickly - my parents generation preferred a bit of hair. I think there was even a magazine called 'bush'.

        I prefer a bit of hair, it's unnatural and weird for it to be completely hairless.

          Yeah I agree, a completely smooth nether region looks like a child's to me, not a turn on at all.

        WTF are you on about??? The only people that I know of are the French.. I'm guessing you must be one that lives on the west side! lol

    Does this mean PETA will start going ungroomed and protesting waxing solons and supermarkets?

      Lol I can see the hippie activists now, outside your local waxing salon. "Stop the deforestation!". "Stop the Brazilian, save a million!". "Manscaping is murder!"

        Save the Brazilian Rainforest!

        2 birds.

    Yeah... What happens if these things really do become endangered? Are we going to have to set up reserves for them?

      I am sure that you could find many, many willing hippies / hipsters to help you out.

    This may simply speed the evolution of super-lice... who live inside girl's hooches.

      oh dear god...... im never going to forget you just said that :(

    It sure is hard to not type pubLic when typing pubic hey :P there are three in this article, who can find them all?

      I was thinking the same thing! Nothing is proof read nowadays........

    This actually raises an odd question... We strive to eliminate human infections from the globe but conversely all conversationalists will point out the extinction of a single species generally has a ripple effect impacting numerous other species. Would this possibly apply to parasites? If crabs became completely extinct would it change anything other than less people with itchy crotches? Could create some interesting situations :P

    public lice can’t live where there’s no where to live

    Private lice, on the other hand, can live almost anywhere.

      public lice or crabs or whatever the hell that makes people scratch down there

      public lice can’t live where there’s no where to live, you know.

      brazilian wax
      public lice

      Oh My God! These damned lice have Government funding!
      The threat is much worse than we thought! Aaaahhhhh! :P

      Last edited 17/01/13 2:32 am

    Grooming and keeping things neat is fine, but complete hair removal? Speaking as a heterosexual male, I like the additional proof that the woman I'm sleeping with has actually gone through puberty.

      If the people your sleeping with look young enough to actually be questioning that there's something seriously wrong :P

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