Las Vegas is probably a lovely place to live. But spending a week in the desert at a trade show like CES — talking to thousands of people, handling hundreds of devices that countless others have touched, spending all your time going from taxi to casino to buffet along the Strip — it can leave you feeling incredibly grungy.
Here's everything you'll need to cleanse yourself of a week in Las Vegas — at least until the next trade show.
Tempting as it may be, simply torching your old wardrobe and buying a new one isn't an option. Thankfully, Maytag's Maxima washing machines include their own supplemental water heater and steamer, ensuring every last fibre of your clothing comes out fresh and clean. ~$1500.
You can't toss everything in the washer. But you can easily sterilize travel gear from shoes to electronics with a bacteria-nuking ultraviolet wand. With four AA batteries, you can ensure that everything stays in Vegas, even the microsocopic parasites that haven't infected you yet. ~$60.
You could eat steak at every meal in Vegas. That doesn't mean you should. If you need to repair your plumbing, hit the fibre when you get home. Every serving of Metamucil's easy-sippin' orange drink contains 2.4 grams of soluble fibre. That's enough to blaze a trail straight through your colon. ~$46 for 30.
When you realise that everything you touch in Sin City has probably been touched by millions of sick people before you, a simple shower when you get home just doesn't quite seem enough. You need to scrub the Vegas off of you. This rechargeable cleanser is like going at your skin with an industrial grinder. 20 to 30 treatments should do it. ~$210.
Whiskey, cigars — bottomless glasses of soda — it all does a real number on your teeth. And brushing with Vegas water is disgusting. Make up for your negligent hygiene with this double-sided electric toothbrush that simultaneously cleans both your top and bottom chompers. ~$100.
Las Vegas is one of the few remaining places where you can smoke almost everywhere. To thoroughly clean your lungs afterward, you need Moneual's Rydis H800. It's like a Roomba that uses sensors to seek and destroy bad air, following you around like a filtration puppy, worried about your health. Price TBA.
No earthly amount of scrubbing can truly cleanse your soul after a week in Las Vegas. But maybe a few moments with a gadget version of the Good Book might help you feel a little better about yourself. This flash drive keychain features a pop-out USB connector and contains the entire King James version of the Bible in English and Spanish. ~$55.