Dear Instagram, Please Sell My Photos

Dear Instagram, Please Sell My Photos


Dear Instagram, I hear facebook wants to pimp you guys out in search of “profit”. Bravo! So, hey, wanna sell my photos to some faceless corporation? No problem! I know you’ve gotta pay the bills.

In fact, let me help. Here are some choice snaps I think you’ll be able to unload, like, tomorrow. No, silly gooses, I’m not looking for a cut! (I just wanna be famous. Follow me on Instagram.)


Butternuts Beer and Ale

Check it out! The top three finishers of the US Grand Prix in Austin. I haven’t seen this photo anywhere else. (Except on TV, which is where I got it from. I like to take pictures of the TV. I think it’s gonna be a thing soon.) You know what else I see? Like, at least a dozen brands repped here: Pirelli, Verizon, Red Bull, Infiniti, etc. Hell, you could maybe even sell this to the FIA — might be a nonprofit, but they’ve got TONS of money, and they’re looking to get a foothold in the US. $US22,651.

Sam and I were visiting SF when the Giants won the world series, and you know what we did? We rioted with the rest of the town. The spirit was that contagious. It was beautiful. Here is Sam, illegally setting off some illegal pyrotechnics. Maybe the Giants organisation would like to pay $US5000 for this wonderful piece of art? Yes, I think it would.

That’s Tucker. Mostly we call him Tuckie because look at that face! He’s 11. He should be a spokesmodel for something. Like Clairol. Or a carpet-cleaning company, because when he got up from this little don’t-call-it-a-cat nap, there was a foul-smelling wet spot on the rug. One milllllllion dollars.


Sous Vide Supremes


Dubbelju


KryptoniteCamera+say


the one with the sissy trigger


at home with nature

So this is just a start, but I’ve got literally hundreds more photos. Sell them. Get money. And don’t go out of business because then my friends and I will have to talk to each other instead of competing to take pictures of particularly ironic garbage.