Everything You Need To Humiliate Your Pet

Everything You Need To Humiliate Your Pet

Your pet gives you nothing but undying love and affection from the crack of dawn until they curl up by your feet at night. So why not repay your best friend’s selfless admiration with toys and accessories that make them look and feel like nothing but a sight gag? Here’s everything you need to completely and utterly humiliate your pet, leaving no doubt that stain they left on the living room rug wasn’t an accident.

Quack Muzzle

All your dog is really trying to do is alert you to nearby dangers. But with this duck bill-shaped muzzle, you can not only keep them quiet and stop them from nipping at strangers, but also completely embarrass them in the process. Is it any wonder they don’t like going for walks when they get old? $US20. [clear]

Escape-Preventing Harness

Not only does this escape-preventing harness tell other animals this dog’s owner was too lazy to train them not to run off, it also tells them that the owner is confident the dog is stupid enough to be easily foiled by a stick attached to its collar. $US30. [clear]

Toilet Dog & Cat Water Bowl

If you think what you do behind closed doors in the bathroom is any mystery to your pets, you’re only fooling yourself. So imagine how they must feel when you serve them up fresh water in a miniature toilet. You both know what it’s really for, but only one of you has no choice but to drink from this bowl. $US40. [clear]

Cagey Cube Ball Toy

Your pets understand you have to work to pay for the kitty litter and the dog treat bills. But leaving them to spend their days with one of these puzzle type toys is just insulting. Did your parents trap Optimus Prime or Barbie inside a rubber cage to keep you occupied? Why should your pet need the same distraction — they know how to nap. $US15. [clear]

Humunga Stache Dog Toy

The look on this poor bulldog’s face just about sums up how funny your dog will find this novelty moustache toy. Its first reaction to getting a shiny new rubber ball to play with will be pure ecstasy, until it catches itself in a mirror and realises you’ve just tricked it into looking like a fool. $US15. [clear]

Jockey Rider Dog Costume

Possibly the pinnacle of pet humiliation, miniature costumes for dogs and cats are as insulting as it gets. But at the bottom of the barrel are these tiny saddles. They’re OK for horses who could trample you to death in retaliation, but strapping a tiny saddle to a helpless dog who can’t even see what you’ve done to it is downright torture. $US30. [clear]