First of all: don’t do this, it’s dumb. But if you absolutely HAVE to spend three days camped out in front of your local iStore to get your hands on the new iPad, here’s everything you’re going to need to survive the soul-crushing ordeal.
Sumo Lounge Chair
With three days to kill you’re not going to spend the entire time standing. You need a comfy place to sit, and a folding lawn chair isn’t gonna cut it for that long. We recommend Sumo’s oversized beanbag chairs instead, which are actually filled with polyester fibres in lieu of beans so they won’t compress over time.
The Gamer model pictured above has already proven itself as the perfect place to plop down for long gaming sessions, so it should easily endure a three day wait with fanboys who will put console devotees to shame. $US200. [imgclear]
Hammock Sleeping Bag
It keeps you off the ground away from the local wildlife, and it’s engineered so the sleeping bag’s padded lining doesn’t get smooshed against the hammock, minimising its insulating properties. In other words, you’ll stay warm, safe and probably even look extra obnoxious to passing strangers. $US180. [imgclear]
Photoblocking Beer Cooler
This photo-blocking beer cooler was designed to prevent photos of your late-night drunken antics at the club from showing up on Facebook, but it will work just as well when it comes to preventing local bloggers from photographing and mocking your devotion.
It uses sensors to determine when a camera’s flash has gone off, then immediately fires its own bright LEDs which will completely overexpose any photo someone tries to take of you. It will of course also keep your beverage cold, but since your line is probably in a public place you’ll need to stick to filling it with soda and water instead of beer. [imgclear]
CamelBak H.A.W.G. Hydration Pack
A water bottle isn’t going to last for three days, particularly if you’re lined up outside in the sun all day. And since there will probably be no place to plug in a water cooler, your next best solution is a CamelBak pack that can store up to three litres of water, accessible through a shoulder-mounted straw.
The pack can hold all of your other gear as well, and when it’s filled with water you can even use it as a pillow, recreating the feeling of your waterbed back home. $US150. [imgclear]
Power Box Pedal Powered Generator
Speaking of having nowhere to plug stuff in, if you’re stuck on a sidewalk outside a store there’s no way you’re going to find a free outlet. You’ll have to bring your own, and K-Tor’s pedal-powered Power Box kills two birds with one stone.
Not only will your continuous pedalling keep your laptop, mobile phone, and other gear powered, but it will also counteract the fact that you’ll be sitting like a sloth for three days straight, subsisting off of fast food. The last thing you need is those doors to open on Friday morn and you not able to run into the store because your leg muscles have atrophied. $TBA. [imgclear]
Reliance Luggable Loo
What? You don’t think Starbucks is going to get tired of you using its bathroom? And what if some unscrupulous individual ignores the law of the line and cuts in while you’re taking a bathroom break? You need to come equipped for every situation, and I mean every situation.
You’ll have to get used to relieving yourself without any privacy, but these Luggable Loo buckets are a cheap way to answer Mother Nature’s call without giving up your spot in line. The prospect of relieving one’s self in a bucket is a little gross, I agree, but do you want the new iPad before your friends get one or don’t you? $US20. [imgclear]
And as long as you get a version with a mobile data plan, or camp close enough to an Apple Store to use its free wi-fi, you’re all set to stay on top of early reviews of the New iPad, unboxing videos, teardowns and anything you can get your hands on to help justify wasting three days of your life. $429. [imgclear]
Photo: Associated Press/Paul Sakuma