You are not Irish, but on March 17 the whole world gets to be Irish. Hell, they even celebrate St Patrick's Day in Dubai. Want to go hang out at your local Irish pub? Good luck, it's going to be packed and unpleasant. But that doesn't mean you can't celebrate in your garage or your apartment. Here's how to turn wherever it is you are into an Irish pub.
Let's not sugarcoat it: If you aren't Irish or deeply Catholic -- or even if you are -- this holiday is about drinking excessively. You will do at least one Irish car bomb, but why not do many? In your makeshift Irish pub, serve the combination drinks in this awesome dispenser. Setup the shots of Baileys on top and a half-pint of Guinness below. When you push the lever down, the shots fall into the beer and then it's bottoms up. $US120
All pubs need to have television entertainment, but rather than put on Rugby or whatever boring sport they actually like in Ireland, put on something your clientele will enjoy: a violent American movie about Irish killers that's riddled with cliches. $10
Don't have any Irish friends to fill out the authentic flavour of your makeshift pub? This app is loaded with 150 Irish slang phrases complete with a pronunciation guide. It'll have you rattling off drunken insults like a stereotypical Irishman in no time. $4.49
Guinness, of course, is the closest a lot of people ever get to anything Irish. An Irish pub isn't an Irish pub without Guinness on tap. This keggerator is specially designed bfor Guinness by KegWorks. Don't worry, when the holiday is over, you can attach other types of kegs if you want: KegWorks assures us that the keggerator isn't a nationalist. $US2000
You can't drag a pool table around with you wherever you go, but this portable, professional dart board sets up in a jiffy no matter where you are. $US125
Get the biggest Irish flag you can find for a decoration. The bigger the better. We found an 2.4m flag in no time online. It's hard to argue with the power of a huge flag to rally up faux-nationalist spirit on a holiday that doesn't really pertain to them. $US26 Image via gibsons/Shutterstock.com
Top image: Lisa F. Young/Shutterstock.com.