At midnight tonight, Australian time, Apple's holding a press conference call. Apple does a lot of marketing, but considerably less straight talking. Tonight topic couldn't be more straight: Cold, hard cash. Apple's sitting on a lot of cash — nearly $US100 billion in fact — and that kind of money brings with it all sorts of possibilities. More than 100 billion Chupa Chups, for a start — that's about twelve for every person on the planet — but that seems unlikely.
What's more likely is some kind of dividend to shareholders, although Apple hasn't delivered a dividend to shareholders for nearly twenty years now. That kind of cash could also prompt some very interesting tech tech company buyouts.
The release — which Apple Australia isn't hosting, given that the conference call itself takes place at 9am EDT — notes that Apple won't be discussing any other products at all, something it makes rather clear in the release:
"Apple will not be providing an update on the current quarter nor will any topics be discussed other than cash."
That in itself creates a mystery: What will Apple use as hold music?
[Apple] Photo Quinn Rooney/Getty Images