The US Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has released a list of the worst/best/most crazy things caught by their airport agents, including a whooping 1200 loaded firearms. I picked my favourite top 10 because theirs is wrong.
I mean, the TSA puts motherf**king snakes caught before getting into the motherf**king plane at number 10? Come on! Here’s the definitive list:
10. 240 live fish
A passenger tried to sneak 240 live fish inside four hard suitcases filled with water at the Los Angeles International Airport. The explosive detection system got itchy and the scanner image the fishes. After opening, the agents discovered the fish “packed like sardines”, in all shapes and colours, trying to swim.
9. Batman knife
Some Bat-imbecile tried to pass through San Antonio’s airport security carrying this pseudo-Batman knife.
8. Science project that looked like a homemade bomb
A university student tried to pass his science project that had plenty of cable and a mint tin through Omaha’s airport detectors. The agents saw it through the X-ray machine and instantly thought it was a homemade bomb. Indeed, it looks like a homemade bomb even looking at it out of the luggage.
7. Ninja knives inside book
The TSA usually catches all shorts of knives and blades, including some martial weapons not made of metal, like these two sets of throwing knives (left) caught in Los Angeles and San Diego. On the right you can see two knives neatly packed inside the chapter 2 of a book titled: Ninja: The Shadow Warrior. Apparently, fake ninjas are pretty dumb.
6. Stun gun disguised as fake mobile phone
More LAX nutters: a passenger tried to sneak a fake pink mobile phone that was actually a stun gun. The passenger surrenderer the mobile phone and was able to continue the flight, but this is the kind of thing that can result on an actual arrest.
5. Flare gun with seven flares
A passenger going through Norfolk’s airport was carrying this signal kit, illumination (red) mk 79 mod 2: a flare gun with seven flares ready to be launched.
4. Motherf**king snakes
Some idiots still insist in passing birds, turtles and other live animals through security. This can get you a fine (I’d personally like to cockpunch them). A guy in Miami International Airport tried to sneak seven small snakes inside his pants along with three small turtles. They were all inside women stockings, as shown in the image on the lower right.
Five grenades, all inert, were found in a passenger checked luggage at Newark, which instantly fired up the alerts. Meanwhile, at the good old LAX, a passenger was carrying a spent smoke grenade in a carry-on bag.
This clown was flying from Salt Lake City International Airport with four bloody landmines in his checked bag. All the alarms went off but. when the explosives squad arrived to the baggage processing facility and determined they were inert. As a result, all the bags in that area had to be rerouted and four flights were delayed.
1. C-4 explosive
A man flying from Yuma International Airport was arrested after the TSA found one half of C4 explosive concealed in a tobacco can using an Explosive Trace Detection system, one of those machines that get a piece of cloth that the agent previously runs through your hand baggage. Seriously people, are you out of your bloody mind?