Problem: nobody knows just how bad the radioactive contamination is at Fukushima, nine months later. Prediction: still pretty bad. Solution: send in a bunch of monkeys armed with radiation meters and GPS collars, hope for the best. Let's do it!
The Telegraph reports that the experimental simian expedition, conducted by Fukushima University, is designed to survey a wide range of area and elevations — using 14 separate monkey teams. "We decided to use monkeys for this project because the territory they cover is very well known to us," says the lead scientist. Yes, and also because the monkeys are not humans, and nobody will really notice or care if they all get radiation poisoning. Perhaps to this point, the GPS collars will actually detach at the end of the radiation hunt, ensuring nobody will ever be able to trace these irradiated monkeys in the wild. Until they march on Tokyo. [Telegraph]