So there's this little thing called the Country Music Awards going on tonight. A country crooner just won American Idol. Every teenage girl wants go be best frenemies with Taylor Swift. Maybe it's time you strapped on a six-string yourself, young'un!
And while normally the country music star tends to revel in life's simple things, here are seven tools that will help country musician of the future really embrace the future. Giddyup.
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LED Belt Buckle: Belt Buckles and country music go hand in hand, and you shouldn't have to give them up. But they've also gone unchanged for decades, which is definitely a problem. Why not swap out that ornate, gilded eagle for an LED Marquee?. $US30.
Harmonica Flash Drive: Every country music star needs a harmonica. And if you don't know how to play one, that's not a problem. You can get your hands on one of these Flash Harps, which takes your standard harmonica and stuffs a 2GB flash drive in it. Plus, that drive is chock full of harmonica lessons. $US50.
Guitar-to-USB Audio Interface: I hate to break it to you, but even country music stars need technology. Sure, you can spend your day busking in front of some brisket shack. Or you can get one of these USB adapters, which will take your guitar licks and shoot them into the computer-based recording app of your choice. Then you can upload that finished gem to the internet and get discovered. Easy! $US34.
Giant Whiskey Flask: Whiskey and country music go together like peanut butter and jelly. If your musical mythology isn't sponsored by Jack Daniels, Jim Beam or some other purveyor of sour mash, you're doing something wrong. Instead, carry this giant flask around to let everyone know you're saucing up and working on the next great American ballad about a pet dog. $US23.
Songbook Bandolier: But where will you transcribe all those great lyrics that pop up in your head? You don't want to kill all your redneck cred by using a smartphone or voice recorder to jot down notes. Go the more romantic route and carry a notebook. But what about the pens? Where will they go? Try this bandolier, which will keep everything in its right place. $US17.
Chromatic Tuner iPhone App: OK, but just because you don't publicly expose your gadgets doesn't mean you shouldn't use them. And if you have an iPhone, why not buy this chromatic tuner app, which will help keep your electric banjo sounding proper. It's even endorsed by Roseanne Cash, daughter of legendary Johnny Cash. Don't blaspheme the Man in Black! $US4.
Electric Banjo: If you're gonna be a star, you need to be distinctive. Wielding a banjo is a good start. But you know what's better than a banjo? AN ELECTRIC BANJO. Break out one of these to your first show, and you'll be a star in no time. $US675.