You know those workout shirts that keep you cool and dry? Like from Under Armour and Nike? These Sheex “performance” bedsheets are made out of the same material. And they’re pretty much perfect for any type of activity you do in bed.
Holy baby bottoms, these sheets are soft. You definitely feel the roots of performance wear, but the softness is more similar to satin or silk (but obviously more durable). There’s a purposeful weight and texture to it, which lets your body breathe while keeping you warm. It’s fantastic really – I’ve slept on many a high thread count and on the cotton of Pharaohs but none were as versatile as Sheex.
The set comes with a fitted sheet, a flat sheet and two pillowcases all made from the same 87 per cent polyester/13 per cent spandex fabric blend. Once you put the Sheex on, your bed becomes one constant cool side of the pillow. For a person like me, who gets hot easily, and lives in a city that stays hot midyear, Sheex is an absolute oasis. Or I guess deodorant if you’re a sweaty sleeper. Either way, I’ve been sleeping wonderfully since I started using Sheex.
But, um, how do ‘performance sheets’ perform when you perform?
You are who you are, of course, but let’s put it this way: Sheex eliminates the messy variables of night time relations. The fitted bed sheet is tight and stretchy so it wraps itself perfectly around the mattress so there’s no needless fabric flapping around. This is crucial, as it gives you a blank slate for your penetrative masterpieces: you can spin, tango, and switch gears any which way without ever getting your knees, elbows or any of your other body parts caught in your sheets. Cotton is for virgins, people.
As for those who partake on solo missions, the flat sheet grooves itself onto your body, caressing its polyester around your knees and ankles while giving breathability to your backside. It’s as easy as ever to find peace within yourself.
If you have any rough patches on your body (back of your heels, etc), rubbing against the sheets will make your rough skin feel like the carcasses of burnt alligators. It scratches and it’s not fun knowing how gross your feet are. Also, because of Sheex’s materials, it doesn’t retain that ‘fresh laundry’ scent. And, lastly! The bed sheets might be so awesome that your impromptu one night bed dance partner (what was his/her name?) might want to stay with you through the morning after.