HP buying Palm made some waves, but it’s got nothing on the other big tech deals we’ve spotted on the horizon:
Nintendo Buys Fender: Nintendo removes five of the six guitar strings to make instruments easier to “just pick up and play”.
Google Buys National Security Agency: Google Wire Tap leads to an increase in subpoenas of Yahoo Mail users and uncomfortably specific targeted advertising.
Wikipedia Buys Snapple: “Snapple Cap Facts” become much less factually accurate.
Sony Buys MLB’s American League: Sony cancels interleague play and the World Series, citing its proprietary “Designated Hitter” format’s incompatibility with the National League.
Facebook Buys Twitter: Nothing changes at the companies, but the internet temporarily crashes two weeks later when a Justin Bieber/Oprah Winfrey sex tape rumour gets shared over 400 million times in ninety seconds.
Amazon Buys Metropolitan Museum of Art: All exhibits are eventually replaced with black and white photography to “reduce eye strain”.
AOL Buys ABC: Programming schedule immediately reverts back to 1992 TGIF reruns.
Microsoft Buys Anheuser Busch: Bud Light is reformulated every three years to taste a little more like Miller Lite. Meanwhile, rumours swirl about a revolutionary pilsner, but the project is shut down at the height of anticipation.
Apple Buys Adobe: Apple immediately fires everyone and burns down Adobe headquarters. Steve Jobs is found days later, pissing on the ashes.