Though we’ve talked a lot about dumping via text message, the burning question put to our resident love doctor is: Can you ask someone out via text message? And can you do it with video?
As technology evolves, the number of ways to ask someone out on a date grows and grows until one day you get a Farmville Cupig and wonder if it’s love. Or something. The way I see it, as long as the object of your affection texts and texts often, I think it’s a fine way to go. Just make sure you’re creative, adorable or flirtatious about asking someone on a date. If not, then you’re just being lazy which is unattractive to most.
And please, for the love of the text gods, use full words rather than something like “u want 2 go 2 the movies w/me?” It only takes two more letters to write the whole word “you”! And “to” is only one more character than “2”! If you want someone to spend hours of their precious time with you when they could be dating someone else or stalking their ex’s Facebook profile, then please take a few seconds to come up with the most creative text ever with which to ask them out.
If you’re too nervous to call and ask them out, say so in the text – that could be flattering and endearing. A video invite would be awesome and could show off your dedication and talents; just don’t do anything that would utterly embarrass yourself as too many people would show off your video invite to their 12 closest friends.
You could also create an event on Facebook (make it a secret/closed event, visible only to her) and invite her to attend. It’s more modern than Evite and she can sync the event with her Outlook calendar. If you want to go old school, call her up. If she doesn’t answer, sing a made-up song into her voicemail, asking her out. Does she like letters and regular old postal mail? Send her a letter asking her out. Technology allows us to innovate but it can also make it too easy to be lazy so make sure to use it to your advantage.
Make sure the medium you use shows off your best side. If you show someone what you’ve got and they’re not into it, try to not take it as a rejection of you. It just may not be the right fit. An artist friend of mine tells the story of how he showed up with a beautiful painting as a gift for a first a date. Though past dates had been taken aback by his forwardness, this particular woman seemed touched. A few years later, they married. So I say wear your heart on your sleeve, if you can: you will likely get turned down a few times but when you come across the right person, it will be worth it.
Debby Herbenick, PhD is a Research Scientist and Associate Director of The centre for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. She blogs at MySexProfessor.com.
Bad Valentine is our own special take on the beauty – and awkwardness – of geek love.