Earlier this week, Apple removed Wobble—an app that adds real jiggle to photographic boobs—from the App Store. Other removals followed. A developer who talked to Apple has the scoop on the future of titillating apps: it is bleak.
Really bleak. Like no racy photos, no suggestive language, no bathing suits bleak.
This devastating news comes by way of TechCrunch, who have been following this story closely (but not in a weird way). Initially it seemed that Apple's new policy was to ban "overtly sexual content," which was disappointing, but, hey, we understood. Now TC has received word from a developer who has discussed the matter with "multiple App Store reviewers," and things aren't looking too hot. Not even close to hot, in fact.
Said developer was told "there will be no more applications that are for any purpose of excitement or titillation." Huh? I get pretty excited playing Tapulous—are they going to ban that too? Well, if you're thinking that maybe behind the hyperbole things aren't actually so bad, think again. Here's the full shakedown, as recapped by the developer of Wobble, an individual who has been standing in the shower since Apple first turned on the cold water on Thursday night:
1. No images of women in bikinis (Ice skating tights are not OK either)
2. No images of men in bikinis! (I didn't ask about Ice Skating tights for men)
3. No skin (he seriously said this) (I asked if a Burqa was OK, and the Apple guy got angry)
4. No silhouettes that indicate that Wobble can be used for wobbling boobs (yes – I am serious, we have to remove the silhouette in this pic)
5. No sexual connotations or innuendo: boobs, babes, booty, sex – all banned
6. Nothing that can be sexually arousing!! (I doubt many people could get aroused with the pic above but those puritanical guys at Apple must get off on pretty mundane things to find Wobble "overtly sexual!)
7. No apps will be approved that in any way imply sexual content (not sure how Playboy is still in the store, but …)
This can't be life! Of course, the glimmer of hope here is that Apple is still reviewing their policy and taking a hard line while doing so, just to be safe. On the other hand, this could it, the real deal, the Puritanical future of apps on the iPhone. I hope you have a thing for girls in turtlenecks. [TechCrunch]