Christ, didn't we kill this thing already? Repairwork on the Large Hadron Collider is making serious progress, with a test run of particle beams already completed. Scientists are hoping to attempt full world-ending experiments next month.
The results of that first test—a run of particle beams through the 27km tunnel—showed the machine in perfect working order. The scientists are hoping to have the LHC up and running as good as new in November, which after careful research I conclude is less than a week away. Sorry to drop the end of the world on you like that, but you're all going to die in November. Them's the breaks! [Pop Sci]