Total Recall is probably my all time favourite sci-fi flick. So it’s with mixed emotions that I hear Hollywood may be returning to Mars.
According to The Hollywood Reporter, producer Neal H. Moritz (The Fast and the Furious, I am Legend) is in final negotiations with Columbia to remake Total Recall (which is, of course, technically a remake of Philip K. Dick’s We Can Remember It for You Wholesale).
Granted, Total Recall is nearly 20 years old at this point, but I think the movie has held up pretty well. Part of my body shudders at the thought of the equally cocky and clueless Douglas Quaid/Houser being played by anyone but Arnold Schwarzenegger, or a three-boobed alien’s jubblies getting rendered in CGI.
But it’s not just the incredible ensemble cast or the respectable special effects. The script, from plot twists to techie toys to dialogue, was brilliant. Just take a look at the scene in which…well…you’ll remember it as you read it:
Hauser: Howdy stranger. I’m Hauser. If things haven’t gone wrong, I’m talking to myself and you don’t have a wet towel around your head. Now whatever your name is, get ready for the big surprise. You are not you you’re “me”.
Douglas Quaid: [to himself]No shit.
Hauser: For ten years, I worked for Mars intelligence, doing Cohaagen’s dirty work. But then, I met someone, a woman. She taught me a few things, like I was playing for the wrong team, and other things that I didn’t know about. You see…
[Points to his head]
Hauser: There’s enough shit in here to fuck Cohaagen good, and here comes the hard part, old buddy, now it is all up to you.
Douglas Quaid: [displeased]Great.
Hauser: Now, let’s start by getting that bug out of your head.
[shows the nose device]
Hauser: Take this out of the package, and stick it up your nose. Don’t worry it’s self guiding. Just shove real hard.
[Quaid takes a deep breath, and sticks the nose device up his nose]
Hauser: When you hear a crunch, you’re there. Now, pull it out. Be careful, that my head too.
[Quaid screams in pain while Hauser grins, then Quaid pulls out the bug]
Hauser: This is the plan. Get your arse to Mars, and go to the Hilton Hotel and show the fake Brubaker I.D. at the front desk. Just do as I tell you. You can nail that son of a bitch that fucked you and me. I’m counting on you old buddy. Don’t let me down.