Warning: If you are bald, there's a good chance that you will receive the Male Pattern Baldness Mousepad as some lame office joke. And if that happens, here's what you do:
Smile graciously and say "thanks." Immediately set up the mousepad on your desk, finish your work day and leave.
On your way home, pick up one of those hats with the dreadlocks coming out of the back. Wear said toupe/hat to work the next day, sit down at your desk and go about your business.
Now if any jerk so much as cracks a smile, tear up immediately. Then return to your spreadsheets with the knowledge that you have made the coming months a guilty, miserable hell for all of those around you with full heads of hair. Plus you can finally wear a Rasta hat without anyone laughing. [hoopla via Nerd Approved]