Don't look at me that way. You know that you've at least considered it. This Thanksgiving, why slave away all day over a hot oven baking a turkey when you have space age microwave technology right in your own kitchen? According to the USDA, "Turkeys can be successfully cooked in a microwave oven—whole or in parts." And they've kindly included a complete set of useful tips on their site.
Turkey parts can be cooked in a dish with a lid, or cover the dish with plastic wrap and vent the top. Timing can vary because of wattage differences, so follow the recommendations in the owner's manual.A 5.5- to 6.5 kg turkey is the maximum size most microwaves can accommodate... Allow 7.5cm oven clearance on top and 5- to 7.5cm of space around the bird. The time for cooking a turkey in the microwave is 9 to 10 minutes per pound on medium (50%) power. Rotate the bird during cooking to ensure even cooking.
Microwaves sometimes cook a whole turkey unevenly, so microwaving it in an oven cooking bag aids in even heat distribution. Microwaving a stuffed turkey is not recommended.
To those who are taking this post too seriously, remember: Just because something is edible doesn't mean that you'll necessarily want to eat it. Though if you do partake in a microwaved turkey this Thanksgiving, be sure to send us a photo...and maybe try stuffing the bird with Pop Secret after cooking. [USDA]