Ah Miss IFA, Miss IFA... Miss IFA with your—fake—red hair, Miss IFA with your—real—long legs, Miss IFA with your really big Philips and Swarovski Active Crystals... how much do we love thee? Let me count the ways.
One, because you put the "Miss" in IFA. Two, because of the way your sweet voice sounds when you tell us "zee Active Crystals Happy Laura USB memory bracelet iz not werking rait, sorry." It's like listening to a Valkyrie singing like an angel in a Wagner opera. But you don't make us want to invade Poland. And you know that's good, Miss IFA. Because invading Poland is wrong.
Anyway, don't worry about the 2GB Happy Laura or the Naughty Raymond. It's not your fault. Nothing is. You are the brightest and the fairest and the most beautiful of all the Miss IFAs out there. Yes, you are the only Miss IFA ever, but if there were four or five of them, I'm sure you will still be one of the most beautiful Miss IFAs. But I digress...
Where was I... Ah, three! Three, because we love how you wear that pretty pretty Breeze Bluetooth headset, with 5 hours of talking time. It would look nice on any girl, as a necklace or in her ear. And you are a girl, Miss IFA. That's why it just fits you perfectly. The white model looks great next to your red-dyed hair but, somehow, seeing the black one right there, hanging, makes our sugar underpants melt. Yes, Miss IFA, I'm wearing edible sugar underpants. Just to let you know, Jason gave me a pair for my birthday for when an occasion like this arose.
Four, because only your swan neck could wear that 2GB Crystal Chrome Moon USB memory key like you do, driving our eyes to prohibited places. OK, maybe not so prohibited, Miss IFA, but you know what I mean. Yes, you do.
So there you go. Not one, or two, or three, but four ways of loving you and your Philips Swarovski Active Crystals. And now we have to say farewell, Miss IFA. I'll let you go to your duties as the official face and soul of this fair that fills us all with joy. We shall meet again one day. No, really, I mean it. We should. And hopefully, you won't have copper hair then. And we would be wearing our business socks.
Jason too. [More IFA 2008 Coverage]