With an unpopular war going on, an unpopular president in the White House and an economy in crisis, sometimes we struggle to remember what makes this country great. July 4th should be a time to reflect on the positives–a day to celebrate our independence and recapture our patriotic spirit. For some of us, that may be easier said than done. However, I am confident that the following gadgets will serve as a reminder, to all nerds, why we live in the best country in the world. And if you are still not convinced, just remember–you could be living in Canada.
Freedom of Speech:
Nothing says “America” like making our political leaders hump in action figure form. Start your own freaky Beltway love triangle involving George and Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton, Uncle Sam, John and Jackie Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and Benjamin Franklin (horn-dog that he was) with these Political Posers action figures. They even threw Jesus in for some totally inappropriate fun. Available for US$8.88 each. [Prank Place]
Don’t like how Bush is handling things in the White House? Move him into another white house (the kind made from porcelain). You will knock him down a few pegs with a really dirty job. The George Bush toilet brush is available for US$16.95. [Baron Bob]
Hillary may be out of the race, but you can remember her campaign for the nation’s highest office every time you crack open a walnut. The Hillary Clinton Nutcracker is available for US$19.99. [Teptronics via Link]
Knives With Guns In Them:
The G.R.A.D. features a .22 calibre gun hidden in a knife for people who don’t think their enemies can ever be too dead. Second amendment! Wooo! Available for US$699. [GunsAmerica (how appropriate) and Link]
Huge Grills and Competitive Eating:
It is no wonder that all of the grills out there vying for the title of “world’s largest” can be found in the United States. The “Big Taste Grill” is 65 feet of meat-cooking mayhem. With surface area enough for 750 brats at a given time, its max output is 2,500 bph (brats per hour). [Big Taste Grill]
It’s not a gadget but come on…competitive eating. If that doesn’t scream America I don’t know what does. Seriously–they have their own federation, like wrestlers. [IFOCE]
Texas knows how to do America right–big and in your face. Case in point, the world’s largest video screen is set to go up in the new Cowboys stadium next year. When it is finally installed, it will measure a whopping 11,200 square feet. [Link]
Excess and Laziness:
America is obsessed with acquiring wealth to live lavish, lazy lifestyles. Plumbing service provider Roto-Rooter had America pegged when it ran a promotion last year with a pimped-out toilet featuring a 20-inch LCD, DVD player, XBox 360, iPod with toilet paper stereo docking station, TiVo, Avanti refrigerator with beer tap, a bike pedal exerciser and cup warmer/cooler. [Link]
One of the most interesting things about America is that companies will try and sell us anything–and we will be right there, waiting at the check-out lanes with open arms and open wallets.
Star Trek- and MLB-themed urns are a perfect example of this phenomenon. Major companies and franchises put their names on products, and we are so enamored we want to take them to the afterlife. [Eternal Image via Link]
What could be more American than a pair of motion-activated, singing, vibrating breasts? How about a pair of motion-activated, singing, vibrating breasts that you can record your own song on? Indeed, “Jingle Jugs for Life” has an option to record your own message or song. And, in a truly American move, they have added a pre-recorded breast cancer awareness message on each product to keep the feminists at bay. Available for US$39.99 (original version) and US$49.99 for breast cancer awareness version. [Jingle Jugs and Link]
In the end, I can only hope that this little gadget-filled journey across our great nation has helped you understand just how lucky you are to be an American. So, get out there, cook up some BBQ, drink some beer and shoot illegal fireworks wildly into the air. It’s the American way.